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Why are you thinking of stopping? Have you talked to your doctors about it?

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Thanks Samex, It is comforting to know others understand how I am feeling. It seems like the physical & emotional recovery from treatment is a lot longer than I had first realised. While I was having chemo I was only ever looking as far ahead as the next chemo cycle. Now I am looking further ahead and it is all a bit scary. I have started going to counselling whch I think is helpful, and I like this site as well. Allicat

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Thanks Harker, I go back-and-forth on whether I should push myself to do things such as setting the alarm or just take it easy. Because I have always hated getting up when the alarm rings, so sometimes I wonder I am just using this as an excuse? The day after I was diagnosed I went to work and used the diagnosis as an excuse to get out of something I didn't want to do anyway. Was it an excuse, or was it a valid reason? It probably was best for me to be taken off that particular task as it was going to take a while and I had have surgery the following week and we didn't know what was going to happen next. So, maybe it was just a reason not an excuse but because I was glad to get out of it I felt a bit naughty. Yesterday I was still having a similar issue - I was finding the project I was working on confusing & annoying and I wanted to go home - but I already found it confusing & annoying before I got cancer. How much is due to chemo and/or stress and how much is due to the normal genuine confusingness of the project? Does it matter? I might as well keep sleeping in as there is no point trying to force myself to do more than I can. One day I got up when the alarm went off when I didn't want to but I thought I should. I walked to the train station, sat there for a while, decided I was too tired to get anything done, caught the bus back home & went back to bed. The boss has been very kind about me missing as much work as I like so maybe it is just me who is putting pressure on myself. It is interesting that lots of things that are just habit have to get re-thought. Allicat

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Hi Ellie, I cry whenever people are kind to me too. It is quite frustrating sometimes when I want to have a sensible conversation but the other person says something nice & I start to cry instead. I still get a surprise sometimes when I see a cancer pamphlet or medicine lying on my couch - why do I have that? it's for cancer patients, not for me! Oh yeah, I am a cancer patient. I have been thinking about how strange it will be after my treatment is all over and life will just continue on. I am obviously looking forward to that but it seems a little overwhelming as well - I guess that's the stage you're at now. I hope everything goes ok with your arm & prosthesis. Allicat

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I finished chemo 3 weeks ago. When I started 4 months seemed like forever but now it is over. I am relieved but not as relieved as I thought I would be. I guess that is because I still have some side effects and also I am going to have a mastectomy in the next few weeks so now I am starting to worry about that. I had put off thinking about that until chemo was done. I was so scared before I started chemo. I remember a quote in one of the cancer guidebooks (which was meant to be encouraging) was about how you could sometimes still go out the movies with your friends during chemo. This made me worried as it had not previously occurred to me that I might be too sick to go to the movies. Lots of the books encouraged exercise during chemo but being a runner I knew they weren't allowing for the amount of exercise I was used to. I was happy when I found a place which mentioned people who were used to 'strenuous exercise' - it said that was ok to continue but maybe just make it a little gentler. That was good but then it said "for example, instead of running you could try tai chi". This made me annoyed - it makes me annoyed again now. Chemo was not as bad as I worried it might be. There were only a few days when I felt really sick and a few when I was falling asleep the whole day. I was able to keep running throughout - the distance & speed gradually reducing but mainly still going ok. The main side effects I still have are a bad taste in my mouth and trouble concentrating/thinking, as well as a general tiredness. These do not sound very bad when I type them & they are not really very bad - it's just the constant slight unwell feeling gets on my nerves and I wish it would stop. I have a vague headache most of the time when I'm by myself - when I have other people around it helps me feel better. I am looking forward to my hair growing back although it is not a great problem not having any hair. There are some advantages - my legs are lovely and smooth and it saves time not having to wash & dry my hair. The thing I will miss most when my hair grows back is after a run when I change my sweaty headtube for a fresh clean cap - it feels wonderful. At the moment I don't set my alarm - I just get up when I wake up and then go to work. I also leave work early if I feel like it. I really like not setting the alarm. I feel nervous about when they will expect me to be able to go back to working proper 9 to 5 days everyday. But, I guess that's not for a while yet - I still have to have surgery and recover from that as well as continuing to recover from chemo.

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Hi Sunflower, The good thing with the blue dye injection is that it only hurts for a very very short time. I remember feeling panicked for a moment and then it was over. Best wishes for your surgery. Allicat

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Hi Robbie, How are things going? Did you get your results & treatment plan? Allicat

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Hi blackcat, Hope your second chemo went ok. People advised me that I should shave my head as soon as my hair started to fall out. My sister cut it mostly off for me and then I went to the hairdresser & they shaved it (and didn't even charge me!). I was expecting to be more bothered by the hair loss than it turned out. I was nervous about wearing a wig at first but I got used it quickly & I also have a range of little caps and headtubes which are good. It seems logical to me to have the mastecomy & reconstuction at the same time although it does extend the recovery time by having the reconstruction. I am quite small-breasted so that may make it less complex - the plastic surgeon said he would use the smallest size implant. Allicat

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Hi Blackcat & Robbieb, Welcome to the site. I am 33 and was diagnosed with early breast cancer 7/10/10. Today was my 8th & final chemo & I'm due for a mastecomy with immediate reconstruction in about a month. Blackcat - Glad to hear that you are not in pain after the surgery. I had 2 surgeries last October - the first just to take out a lump which we were all thinking was benign & then the 2nd to take out more when it turned out to be cancer. The 2nd surgery was definitely less painful in the breast because of the numbness and it is still fairly numb now. Alli

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Hi Frangipani, My final chemo is next week and I will be on Herceptin for a year and Tamoxifen and Triptorelin for 5 years. Are you taking Tamoxifen? Is there a hole left in your side when they take the drain out? Or is it just a tiny mark like the chemo needle leaves? I feel scared about how I will cope with going to hospital for the operation knowing that when I wake up afterwards there won't be a nipple. The right side already had a lumpectomy so doesn't have much feeling in it now - I think that helps me not feel too bad about having an implant instead of a real breast so it's mainly the loss of the nipple that I find a bit creepy. Sometimes it seems like it's not a big deal and sometimes it just seems terrible. I feel encouraged that things are going so well for you. Good luck with the remainder of your treatment. Thanks, Alli

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