Go along with it dazza. It is your wifes way of coping and it dosnt do any harm at this stage What is the alternative? a few home truths, no, that wont help you or her.Once it is said it cant be retracted and you may regret saying it. wombat4 ... View more

It is the overwhelming sadness that encompasses our day and night. The loss of someone so close for so long is difficult. They become a part of you and when the terrible finality becomes a reality, it feels as if your heart has been ripped out. My wife and I were soul mates for 40yrs and cancer took her away from me and my children. She was 58 I also look for answers, why didnt she do this or that. Why didnt she go to the doctors sooner, years sooner. Why didnt she follow my advice. It dosnt make any difference now. But the thoughts and the search for answers in our mind, go on and on relentlessly. Your children like mine, want to move on with their lives, and who can blame them?. They have a future to get on with and do not want to be held back with what has happened. They feel, whats done is done and what needs to be said has been. They do not want to keep going over the same ground. Whats the point?. But for people like us, those who have lost their soulmate, the sadness is omnipresent. It is our grief, and we must deal with it in our own way and as best we can. take care Wombat4 ... View more

When cancer comes bursting through your door, {it dosnt knock and wait politely for someone to let them in }. It bursts through the door and touches everybody in the house and family. Indeed, we are all touched by it when it visits. It becomes a journey we never thought we would have to embark on. On saying that it is important to remain positive. Many people have gone on the journey and survived it. Best wishes Wombat4 ... View more

People that use derogatory terms when talking of cancer, any type of cancer, are indeed showing their ignorance and perhaps their naivety in thinking there is no way they are going to be a sufferer or a carer for a loved one, in their lifetime. The people that say this are not worth a second thought. Things have a habit of biting one on the bum ( pardon pun ) when we least expect it, then education on such matters involves a very sharp, steep learning curve. Its your support team that are important. So... hand and foot, keep them nice and warm, nice thick socks, thermal gloves are good, avoid standing on cold tiles in bare feet like bathrooms etc use a moisturiser to prevent dry skin, get one of the family to do feet, very gently though, its easier for someone else to do your feet and more relaxing. Every night, we would set aside one hour and I would sit down with my wife and gently massage her feet with Sorbalene, a good moisturiser. We did this for 2 years. Peripheral neuropathy and dry skin was never an issue with her feet, some slight pn in her hands and that was after 8 rounds of folfox. Keep your hands out of fridges / freezers etc, even loading frozens into bags at the checkout and unloading them at home, all these little things assist in minimising side effects of the treatment. Take care Wombat4 ... View more

Its very upsetting to think of the what if. We all hope it will go away and things will return to how they were. To think of what if, is the realisation that things may not turn out as we had hoped. With the care of my wife, I was the one who did not want to approach the subject of what if, she knew from when the Drs said palliative it would not have a good ending. A few moments before her last breath, she said she wanted yellow and white flowers at her funeral and to include our sons as pall bearers. Up until that point I was still hoping. I cannot offer advice because I could not accept what if, but I understand the place you are in. It is so very heartbreaking. Wombat4 ... View more

Memories are the real treasures in life. They are priceless, and where would we be without them. Sometimes we race through life not spending enough time to look around and enjoy the simple things that it has to offer.Its good to stop and smell the roses We think we and our loved ones will go on forever, then we get a reality check and our values change significantly. Build up a good stock of memories, its better than money in the bank. wombat4 ... View more

I know what you mean about all of the juggling. About the middle of last year caring for my wife who had colorectal cancer with mets in her liver. Some bxxxxxds approached my wifes mother in her front garden, she is 90 and they said her roof looked in poor condition and need spraying. She is deaf and at 90 does not have the sharpest mind. The next day they appeared, didnt clean the roof , no prep, spent 3hrs spraying, got a cheque out of her for $14 000, went to the bank and cashed it. The bank rang her and asked if it was ok, and she said yes, also her credit cards went. My wife and I found out when they were in the house " helping " her look for her cheque book. We live over 100ks away.The police were involved some weeks later and the Fair Trading Dept, but who needs all of that in bad times. So all of that while we were battling terminal cancer, and all the treatment that goes with it. The mother in law was also now at risk and needed looking after. It took some effort to keep those balls in the air, I can tell you. My wife was my first priority and I certainly didnt need the extra hassle. Why cant mongrels like that get terminal cancer. Wombat4 ... View more

Hi JohnK, If you read my replies on this page you, you will know what 2 types treatment regimes my wife was on. They stopped working eventually. At a meeting with the oncologist late last year, he said he had run out of options, except there was an " old fashioned " chemo that could be tried. My wife who had had chemo every 2 weeks for 2 years accepted the fact that the disease was progressing rapidly and nothing was going to halt it, so she declined, and chemo was stopped. When we were told of the 3rd chemo, I did some research on it, I do not remember the name, but that could be obtained. It was a chemo that was first used in the 1930s, a German scientist did the research and started to use it. It is extracted from the mushroom plant. It was offered to us, so it must still be available and still used. Wombat4 ... View more

When the Folfox was discontinued to give my wife a break from the Oxaliplatin and the fear of increasing peripheral neuropathy, she was put on Folfiri, the CEA went up from 8 to an upward trend. The Folfiri had no effect, back to the Oxaliplatin we went, the upward trend continued. My wife being a GP knew it was not good. It was never good, from the day of DX 2 years prior it was palliative and now here we were, close to the end. I of course was in denial. Her liver was compromised partly because of the lesions and partly due to the chemo. When the fluid retention started in dec last, I took her to hospital and the CT wasnt good. My lovely wife asked the question to the oncologist if it would be long, he said no, it wasnt, just a few days. A couple of days later,I was holding her hand, telling her I loved her when she took her last breath, and the light left her lovely blue eyes. She was 58. My wife didnt suffer, the IV morphine took care of that. How in hells name did we end up here,I had no answers. What I did know is that I would have swapped places with her on this journey from hell, in a heartbeat. It is a time for which there are no words to describe JohnK, without doubt the most terrible time in our lives. I will tell you to be strong, I cannot, I cry every day and Im 64. Love your wife dearly, where there is still life there is hope. Wombat4 ... View more

You have every right to feel sorry for yourself Tina, and grumpy as well. Cancer was never on anybodies life plan The little boy like you, is doing his best to get well, and wear his pirates costume For him he probably thinks he is undergoing what is a " normal " life because he cannot remember life any different at his young age. When we or a loved one contracts the disease later in life we can remember a different life and we long for it to come back. Its difficult not to sweat the small stuff, there is no small stuff in this battle. The disease, oncologists, the chemo, pumps, scans, no small stuff in there. You are doing well, be strong and positive but allow yourself to show it as you feel. Its not an easy journey, but you will get to wear your pirates uniform one day. wombat4 ... View more