Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I suffered as you have - but it gets better.  I think the big thing to address is mental health & loneliness --- if you can hang in there, the physical stuff gets better. And for crying-out-loud don't 'give up'.  Succeeding in a fight against cancer and then submitting to depression, even suicide - it's like a weird Catch 22.  Just take a step back, sink in some information and perspectives, then form a strategy.  Things can and will get better, but yeah - it does hinge on YOU. Let me give you a quick re-hash of how things went for me, then a suggestion. I was diagnosed 4 years ago with stage 4 head & neck cancer.  Grueling treatment, PEG dependant, vomitting blood, awful constipation, all kinds of fun & games on the cancer merry-go-round.  The first week after treatment was the worst week of my life.  The first month was woeful.  The first 6 months were bad.  But it got better.  Honestly, it's still not perfect, but I'm still kicking, I'm a viable passenger on Spaceship Earth.  So are you. I relied on the PEG as my sole source of nutrition and hydration for .. I'll say 4-6 months, I honestly don't remember and it's !GREAT! that I don't remember.  The fight is slipping into the past.  I used to take formula via PEG and then vomit it up (with some blood and pain) from the mouth.  It was awful and absurd.  And it's over. No matter how far past treatment you are - the shitty cancer side effects will get better.  Just give it time. The psychological stuff is a nightmare.  The worry about recurrent cancer is the worst, but loneliness and isolation can certainly come within spitting distance.  Alone is probably the worst word in the dictionary.  Hell.  Suffering.  Depression.  Those are just lesser synonyms.   Feeling alone and without anchor is horrible. I'm sorry you feel that way. But you don't have to. Knowing that the physical stuff gets better and you just need to keep your head down (my advice is distract yourself with whatever gives you the most slothful pleasure - netflix, computer games, whatever floats your boat).  Anyway, knowing the the physical suffering improves ... .. I strongly urge you to separate it completely, and look ONLY at the psychological stuff in the immediate short term. Consider the loneliness, the feeling of futility - are you depressed ?  Do you still walk your dog ?  Take a proper stock of where you're at emotionally, how you feel day to day, whether it's sitting still, getting worse, or better.  (And tie that into your recovery physically - because if you're in the deepest pit of physical suffering, put off the stocktake for a week or two - things will start to get better, and wait until then to take stock). But yeah, I'd urge you to do a good solid triage of your mental health, and I guess in my mind the areas I'd want to focus in on are pretty simple - Loneliness/Isolation:  get a handle on how much of a problem this is, it sounds like a severe issue, but you need to wash away all the other stuff, get rid of the 'noise' and get a real handle on the problem. Hope:  I reckon a bit of hope is vital, get a handle on how positive or negative you feel about the short & longer term future and why. Fun:  think of the things you still enjoy (even if some of that enjoyment has been lost) and take stock of them. With those 3 pieces of information, I reckon you could better articulate where you're at, either to a support community, or getting professional help.  Those communities are starting points - I think the journey is about creating relationships .. making a new friend, talking to people who understand. So yeah, my example might be: Loneliness:  I feel bereft and isolated, every day I feel as though nobody hears or understands me, cancer has changed me and I feel I no longer know myself or can relate to the people in my life Hope:  I actually feel pretty hopeful that I've beaten cancer Fun:  I really love binge watching teen dramas, and playing Call of Duty. If that were my stocktake, then I'd know that focussing on cancer recurrence is a side-track, I'd simply look at connecting with new friends who better understand what I've been through (and also creating new strategies to better reconnect with my old friends, so we can both reach new platforms of understanding). Sorry if some of this comes across as garbage - I think you need to break things down a bit, and - in breaking it down into it's parts, form a strategy for addressing each distinct part of the problem.   You've been fighting for your life.   Keep fighting. ... View more

Hey Hey - just a quick update.   The world has gone barking mad, my business has collapsed due to COVID, I'm slowly learning the guitar, and I'm alive even if I don't quite thrive. I'm approaching 4 years post cancer now.  Get it ?  I had a coin-toss chance at survival .. 40-60%.  Stage 4 tonsil cancer.  Six months to live without successful treatment. Here I am 4 years later. Take heart from that.  No matter how shitty your own personal cancer scenario looks on paper, strive and press forward, don't surrender your hope to this insidious disease. Anyway, if you have chemoradiation, you'll find that the side effects continue to impact your live even 4 years later, but it's a small price to pay for continued survival, eh ? All the best. ... View more

Buddy, nobody has a cure for cancer. When asking for someone to give advice about natural cures, be aware and mindful of all the crackpots and criminals out there in the wide-world these days.   Sorry to hear you may have cancer, mate - don't be afraid, it's not game over yet.  I'd suggest when you tackle this, research EVERY treatment option, and hey, tackle multiple concurrently. The science is slowly moving toward immunotherapy treatments, which are a lot less destructive to human physiology than the poisonous chemo and burning radiation - me, I had chemoradiation, and it's awful, and the post treatment side effects are awful, BUT, I regret nothing - I had stage 4 tonsil cancer, 40% chance of successful treatment, 6 months to live, and here I am 4 years later. My take-away advice is just to be diligent, learn everything, and be on the front foot with regard to your treatment.  Eating berries will no doubt help your autoimmune response and may help prevent future cancer, but if you decide on any particular avenue as a "cure", be super careful.  Ask for credible evidence, not anecdotal "my cousin Joey got better", but actual studies. (And the idea of studies being quashed, is oh so much bullshit - medical students are zealous, eager, smart and naive people with no money and no massive ties to the industrial-medico complex, so the idea that they take massive bribes to focus on chemo studies and hide the efficacy of natural therapies is ridiculous.  A lot of the pubmed studies and articles are being done by students in many cases as part of a masters thesis or whatnot) Anyway, just my two cents - good luck to you ! ... View more

Sorry, I realise this comment is late - but I think your GP made a really bad call.  If you were referred into the public system, cancer is always looked at on a high-risk basis.  Even in the middle of all this COVID fun & games, you would have been seen pretty promptly I reckon (unless you live on a cattle station or something).   In my experience, the public system is great, and probably even more accessible and quicker than a private doctor, who deals with scheduling and whatnot based on their own criteria.   (Honestly, my personal opinion is that your GP might be some kind of an idiot - and gave you horrible advice - you should have immediately been referred to your local metro hospital ENT clinic for urgent diagnosis).   The public system is good, and part of the reason is the triage / duty of care mandate - cancer is life threatening, so it jumps the queue over a lot of chronic, even very serious, respiratory issues.     But yeah, further - your GP can order a biopsy - without knowing the details, they can refer you to one of the imaging clinics (many of which provide bulk billable services).  In my case I was referred for a fine needle aspiration / biopsy by my local GP, which he did concurrent to referring me to the hospital ENT clinic.     It's all situational, so I may be unfair not knowing the detail - but let's say the suspicious symptoms were fatigue and a swelling in the lymph node on the left side of your neck .. doctor could have referred you for urgent ENT evaluation in the hospital system while concurrently obtaining a biopsy.  That's what happened for me, anyway.   Sorry, no two ways around it, I personally think your GP screwed up.  I think they made a bad call.  Sure, it's just my two cents, and maybe completely unfair, but I really don't think the course of action they suggested is sound or prudent, as a person who's gone through all this stuff from a patient's point of view.  It was further delinquent of them not to take into account your resources and any limitations in that regard - what the hell is the point of pressing you toward a private clinic if you are worried about being able to pay for the consult, let alone subsequent bills ?   Further, not every private ENT is going to be highly competent with the oncology stuff.  Sure they'll know all about it no doubt, but some ENTs might have more of a surgical background than diagnostic, who knows - they're just one person, whereas in the hospital system it'll be the ENT clinic and a team of doctors, so you can be pretty comfortable one of the attending physicians looks at suspicioius oncology stuff every day.   The major metro hospitals will have a multi-disciplinary approach with initial cancer diagnostics & treatment plans - you get looked at by a few ENTs, radiation oncologists, chemo oncologists, they look at the scans, discuss your case - having an outside ENT involved or steering is probably even non-viable (and likely pretty bloody expensive)   Maybe you're in an area where the local hospital service is very limited, and they have more insight into that than I do - so take my remarks with a grain of salt ..... BUT .... whether it's Cairns Base Hospital or Brisbane Metro's RBWH, they'll take a potential cancer prognosis seriously and prioritise accordingly.  Maybe you're in a black spot area or something .. but if you're in one of the major cities, I'd take a very long look at your GP.   Let us know how you went - hopefully no cancer (but hey, in my experience where there is smoke there's fire).  If you did get diagnosed with cancer, I hope the prognosis is good, and treatment is already underway.  It's outside my experience whether a few weeks can make a trajectory difference for whatever class of cancer (mine was tonsil), but hopefully everything is on track, even if you got off to a shaky start.   Sorry if this reads a bit ranty - I guess I am a little angry about the advice you got, it really seems to me to fall so clearly and notable in the "BAD" column.   Hope it's all worked out, let us know your situation if you are so inclined ? ... View more

OK buddy, don't let the "local involvement" freak you out - if it's been shown by the PET scan that it hasn't travelled any where distant, the treatment for tonsil cancer + lymph node is basically the same .. well, actually I can't speak for the surgical approach, I understand in addition to yanking out the tonsils or whatever, they'd have to perform a thing called a "neck dissection"   Surgery wasn't viable for me, cancer was too big and advanced, I'd just trust the doctors - but I had chemoradiation and it took care of the source and the lymph nodes.  It means a bit of extra radiation to the neck, and you'll deal with possible burns & dermatitis, but it's just a few weeks in hell, after which the side effects slowly get better.  You just need to distract yourself, keep some daily fun or amusement in your life, and pull through the treatment phase.   Anyway, your doctors are a much better source of information than me, heh - but take heart that you dodged a bullet if it hasn't spread elsewhere, don't let 'local lymph node involvement' discourage you too much - tackle the bastardly thing, and stay strong, brave and loving for as long as you can, mate. ... View more

Hey Hey   The fact that it's hard to find could be seen as both plus and minus - but when I found out mine had not metastasized beyond local lymph nodes, I did a little dance.   Mine was big, impossible not to find, and advanced to local lymph nodes - basically caught at the last possible moment.  And I beat it.     It sounds like you're in the fight much earlier - and mate, the earlier you attack this kind of cancer, the more significantly better is your prognosis.  Late game I was a bit of a coin toss (with the benefit of that +20%), you may be more in the neighbourhood of 80% as a starting point .. your +20 can push you up to more of a "numbers are dramatically in your favour, there's just a 1 chance in 200 that the cancer wins"   Also .. second thing, kinda morbid gallows humour I guess - BUT - bear in mind that if you have a 1 in 100 chance of losing the fight .. when you're next in the clinic and glance around, you'll see that many of your compatriots are old, infirm, falling to bits.  So the likelihood that you're the 1 probably is narrower still given your life stage advantages.   Take heart and be strong.  Good luck.   Keep updating by all means - if you find yourself needing advice, I (and many others who have been through this) are ready to help.  Trust your doctors but double-check, I reckon !   My last little bit of advice would be to use the cancer as a reminder that life is finite.  None of us, not a single one, get out of the Game of Life with a winning ticket, we all have to go someday.  The back-handed gift of cancer can be that it is a constant reminder of this, and if you take that reminder with an unhealthy outlook it can lead to apathy and depression .. but if you are strong of heart, it can nudge you into injecting yourself more fully into the joys in your life.  Love your kids, cuddle them, parent them, enjoy it even when it's one of those for-f's-sake-eat-your-effing-broccoli moments.   If it's confined to your tonsil and a surgical solution is available, don't be freaked out if they want to do some spot radiation too (as a precaution).  Just read up on the chemo if they suggest that, as it's where some of the longer term side effects come from.   Choo Choo !  Jump on the Beat-Cancer train ! ... View more

Hi Mate   First up, read on P16 and HPV positive cancers.  It increases the survival rate over general cancer by about 20%.     Mine was tonsil also and found very late.  No biopsy or surgery, detected by physical exam, pathology test and ultimately a PET scan to verify and size it.  Treated with chemoradiation.   I was aged 47 at the time, three young sons - the youngest was 3 or 4 at the time.  They suggested at the staging of my disease, if treatment was unsuccesful, I had 6 months to live.  This was more than 3 years ago, hopefully still cancer free.   Your life has changed, it will never go back to what it was.  BUT - you have a good chance at survival, the big and important question is:  has the cancer metastasized elsewhere in my body ?   If it has, don't freak out - if it's advanced only to your local lymph nodes, they can be treated surgically and with the radiation.  Radiation is the main defense for your type of cancer, I think the chemo just increases your survival rates by like 2% or something .. ask the doctors, don't rely on my words - but I'd suggest, with kids - take anything and everything that will help you survive (note a nagging spouse increases your survival rate by 1-2% as well !)   Even if it's late stage and advanced, the raw survival chance might be 40% or something, but +20% because of the HPV .. and that's the kind of worst case.  If you're caught early, local only, your natural survival rate might be closer to 80%, and the +20% tips you over into pretty strong numbers.   Sorry - I'm all about data rational choices, and I find the math comforting, especially with my kid's futures impacted so heavily.   You can pull through, buddy - materially I had the same situation, and although that's no guarantee, when I was in your place, I felt untethered, afraid - but after a long and tricky struggle, I pulled through.   Mate, if it's useful to you, I wrote a lot of my experience in two threads, one of them you'll find here:   I've just been diagnosed >  Important Advice : This isn't the end   The other is in:   Treatment and Side Effects > can't remember exactly what the thread is called, but it's about PEG tubes, mucositis, radiation burns, all the kind of things you can expect with your cancer profile are narrated there, by myself and a bunch of other folks who have gone through it.   My main advice:  stay psychologically strong, don't be deterred - do everything you can to survive this, and try and be happy and make your family happy for as long as you have left, whether it's 2 years, 20 or 200.  Whether you have cancer or not, I think that's important advice .. don't let fear and uncertainty rob you of the love and joy that's available to you today.   All the best ! ... View more

Hey Mate   Framing things in your belief that love goes on after death casts a different light on things .. but honestly I think the philosophical and ethical construct still holds water and I really hope it helps, even a little bit, to process what is a massively difficult thing.   It's easy to do the right thing in times of peace and plenty - but when you face strife, suffering, war, death - to make a noble gesture is, in my opinion, quite beautiful.  Even if it's futile, even if everybody loses, I personally believe it doesn't undermine the fine spiritual meaning woven into a high-minded choice.   You have the opportunity to do that - but yeah I get it, the idea that you're connected beyond death is something that adds a profound new layer to it.   However:  my personal view is that beliefs are like rectums -> we all have one, and it's seldom productive to compare them, AND nobody can be completely sure that theirs is the 'BEST' one.  (heh, ewww ?)   So as much as your heart tells you there's something after - you may be right ("I may be crazy, but it just may be a lunatic you're looking for").  Shit, what happened there.  Billy Joel just jumped into my stream of consciousness.  Sorry mate 🙂   ... you may be right .. but you could also be wrong.   I still think it's useful to cast your mind forward into what happens to her after you're gone.  And base your decision making, thinking, words and actions, on that future consequence -- because I think it's a heavy and quite serious problem you're dealing with, mate, and I sympathise.   For me, one way to really sharpen the ethical construct is to remove death from the picture and consider total physical disablement.  So in essence you ARE gone, and you ARE still there.  No doubt.   You can communicate slightly, and with great difficulty.  You are confined to a hospital room.  She visits you daily, pulling you back from the white cloud you otherwise live in.   Would you want her to have that extra layer of happiness and companionship in your life ?   Not being superficial about it, or trying to preach or pre-suppose your answer, it's a genuine question, and I get that the answer may very well be NO!  For me, I think it's YES.  It would hurt, and I'd probably hate it quite a little bit .. but I love her.  I want her to be happy.  I don't want her loyalty to me to cost her any guilt, pain, grief. After all, romantic love ... that's fine.  Expressing it sexually - that's just sex, right ?  I mean, in theory a person can carry platonic love for any number of people.  You'd have no motivation to confine that, right ?  You're happy if she loves the lady down the street, or her best friend Jerry who is a weird grown man who collects comic books.  As long as they don't kiss and rub bits, right ?   So that's another useful approach.  Do you want to place limitations on her ability to emotionally connect with people in future ?    And if not .. cool.  Sex .. I mean that's a trivial thing, right ?  In a lot of ways.  My thinking anyway.  No need to muddy and corrupt a white, light, righteous and beautiful love by getting too caught up in the rumpy-pumpy stuff.  When you're together and all is well ... loyalty and monogamy.  When you're unable to share that physical bond .. is it really the end of the world if she finds another outlet ? Just my extra thoughts mate, sorry if any of it is offensive .. for me when I have these kind of ethical situations, it's really useful to get a different point of view, even if I don't adapt my own, it allows me to kind of re-align my compass a little bit. Good luck mate,  be happy for as long as you can. S ... View more