Dear Ailing
"How are you doing" is generally the dumbest question out. It is a social ritual question with a ritual answer "Fine thanks, what abut yourself?" or something similar. They certainly do not want to know how you are really doing, how you are feeling or to share your nightmare. They wouldn't know what to do if you gave them a non-ritual answer. As someone with advanced cancer who gets tested every three months and knows that it is not if, but when I will be back on therapy, I have developed a ritual answer - "I'm still warm and vertical". Some look embarrassed, some quickly shuffle away, some have a nervous laugh, my friends hug me and say "well that's wonderful". However "how are you doing doesn't have to be meaningless. A few years back when I was going through a tough time a good friend whenever we met would grab both my hands in his, look me in the eye and ask "How are YOU doing" - it gave me permission to tell him just how things were and if I didn't want to do that I still knew he was concerned.
So hang in their, remember that it is just a social ritual they are going through with no meaning at all, but in amongst all those people there will be some who really care, they do want to know and they will tell you that in the way they ask the question.
Cheers
Sailor
A collision at sea can ruin your entire day. Attrib Thucydides, 5th Century BC
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