Hi Popsicle,   That sounds like quite the precarious situation especially if the gentleman involved can be defined as a “Thorny rose”. In this particular case due to the troublesome nature of the relationship, I suggest that your level of involvement should stay relevantly the same: Be emotional supportive and available for your husband. E.g. Listen to his worries, let him know your there whenever he is ready to speak, provide physical comfortable – hugging, handholding – simple familiar welcoming touch goes a long way. Or provide the occasional distraction if needed – Go walking together, do hobbies, jokes and talk about anything in general really. It’s the simple things that assist and matter.   But no matter the decision, he decides to select, such as:   Direct involvement: Having some form of deeper involvement e.g. Attending treatments, appointments and etc.   Barrier involvement: Only wanting to receive the news instead and provide limited emotional support to the father but greater support for other family members instead.   Either choice whether limited or direct involvement is selected, he will receive some form of necessary closure from this.   Be directly involved with your husband but keep that necessary barrier between you and the father-in-law. Limit or avoid all direct contact with the individual as much as necessary. You can still be there for your husband but you need to protect yourself as well. ... View more

Hello there,   I was about to answer this post but I cannot see it anymore. Just in case, i'll message instead. ... View more

Hi Biancalj1,   The situation with your father sounds understandably delicate and must be somewhat frustrating at times as well. You are without a doubt a strong and kind-hearten individual, your father must be a good man indeed, to have raised someone so devoted in nature.   Judging by the expression that I received from the paragraphing, your father seems to be expressing his feelings of frustration and vulnerability (helplessness) about the situation, towards you and your son. This can be common for careers to occasionally experience and the feelings might be even intensified if the affected individual is unable or unwilling to communicate their sentiment and thoughts to another. They can start to feel lonely despite being surrounded by supportive and loving family/friends members. (Constant negative focusing and reflecting is often the driver behind this as well).    If your father is selecting certain keypoints in your life, especially at this given time then perhaps he is attempting to cause or inflict some form of conflict and negative emotions. The purpose to which, is to “push” any loved ones away and to create a barrier of indifference. This barrier is there to protect you, so you will hurt less when he....one day passes away. Some people will even start conflict to deflect the general topic or to “change the subject to something” so to speak.  But everyone is different and this is just a suggested theory.   I know that you may not need these particular sites but will supply just in case, for others in the future:   https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/dealing-with-angry-people.htm - General advice and tips to help ensure certain situations do not escalate.    https://cancerqld.org.au/get-support/cancer-emotional-support/cancer-counselling-service/ - Cancer Council emotional help options   I know from experience that being an Career can be difficult and disheartening at times but please remember to still follow your bliss in life (such as hobbies and etc) and communicate with others, so your strength doesn’t wane. Seek additional help from others if possible as well and continue being the wonderful supportive person that you are. ... View more

Hi Stacie,   You’re a local, I live in Brisbane too! Small world huh? It's great news to hear that your father's treatment is responding well, new trials and practices are being performed and invested in everyday. I'm happy to see that you discovered these forums; they are filled with knowledgeable and caring individuals, with understanding about the overall experience.   It’s common and absolutely understandable for affected individuals to express tiredness or frustration during discouraging times, especially if the experience has been long-term for them. I’ve heard particularly phrases from a loved one that was disheartening on many occasions.  Many find support and solace through supportive groups, guidance counselors, organizations and etc. It all depends on the person, of course.   I’m sorry you felt alone during certain times and that some of your friends didn’t quite understand the position. It’s not an easy subject to cover and sometimes tends to be one of those things, where you need to either feel or see, to really appreciate the stance. Sometimes people will remove themselves from a difficult/surreal matter, some might step or jump in, while others will hang around, so to speak – being unsure on what to do or say next. Everyone reacts differently. But this is why we have forums like this: To share, to support and to listen. It's an pleasure to meet you. ... View more

Frustrating and discouraging is truly what it feels like most of the time. Its common, especially for long term patients to express tiredness for the situation they find themselves in. I've heard that same phrase myself more than a few times....it was always dishearting to hear as you want nothing more than to help them. Take things as they come, seek support for each other or family and stay strong. Ask the doctors as many questions as you desire and maybe consider seeking an second opinion, if that help assist? ... View more

I knew the surgery would go well and it’s even better that they removed all the unwanted tissue from the lower colon as well! It’s absolutely understandable and expected that he would experience some form of anxiety but maybe this heighten level of anxiety is elevating the nausea that he already has.   If he doesn’t feel quite ready to speak with a counselor then perhaps something to treat his tension levels might assist? Have the doctors recommend Ativan, xanax or anything similar? Under the tongue tablets dissolve fast and are quick acting, it may ease some of his worries to more manageable levels. If stress levels are brought down then it should be easier to see how much is emotional and how much is physical that is contributing to the nausea? The calming affect will assist nevertheless.  Forgive me if the recommendation isn’t quite suitable for his current condition as I am unsure of his pre-existing conditions. (By the expression I’m receiving, it feels like the emotional level of things are aggravating existing issues, to deepen).   I know it's easier said than done but try to take things one at a time and consult with your doctors about any fears you may have. They will go through everything with you and will not give nor push anything that they feel that your husband cannot handle. ... View more

Hi RB4444,    It's very understandable that your husband's agoraphobia would trigger/heighten during stressful times, especially with the daunting task of treatment. It's only natural that you wish to research as much information as possible about the offered treatments. But please be careful as this can also increase the fear about possibilities which may never apply/occur in your situation.     Agoraphobia can be treated through pharmacotherapy, behavior therapy or psychotherapy. Usually behavioral is the more natural and long term method used.    Psychotherapy involves working with a therapist to reduce symptoms of anxiety so that the person will feel safer and able to function better.   Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) focuses on changing the thoughts that cause the condition.   The person may learn: * How to cope with the symptoms * How to understand and control a distorted view of stress-inducing situations * How to recognize and replace thoughts that cause panic * How to manage stress   This site contains more information in regards to Cancer and Agoraphobia.   https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/emotionally/cancer-and-your-emotions/fear-anxiety-panic/about   If your husband is acutely affected by this condition then mild sedation might be the best option in this case. Perhaps just before your husband enters into the appointment; find an topic, puzzle or anything that he is passionate about, to help mentally distract him.   But above all, speak with an guidance counsellor and the treating doctor for additional recommendations, use the hospital's resources that are at hand. They have services in place that can assist you.   I hope that I was able to help in some small way, if not...there are many more individuals, who may be able to assist more effectively. ... View more

Hello lurline,   Those choices are...I don't have the words. I'm not sure....by the expression of your post that I have read...is your husband's diagnosis eventually terminal?   If that's...correct (but i'm hoping that i'm simply wrong). Then i guess....it comes down to the quality of life. If the hospital is willing to perform an high-risk operation, how long or how much will it improve his life?   Palliative care offers quality of life but does not offer active treatment. They provide comfort for individuals, who have opted out of continuing treatments. But without combating care, "it could but not necessarily" shorten they're life.   Both options will offer the best pain management available to him, no matter which path you select.   It comes down to the quality of life and what you determine that to be. ... View more

That's good, at least he knows that the option is always available to him.   Fear is perfectly normal and expected. It's okay, your husband's surgery will go fine, the experienced surgeons would of done this treatment many times before within their careers and some procedures would of been even more difficult.   I know it's tempting but please be careful about performing searches, this will only encourage fear about possibilities that do not currently or will not apply to your present situation. Some of the information/sources can be outdated or inaccurate. Medical advice and treatments often go through changes.   The prospect of chemo is always scary. Take one step at an time, gather the information and understanding from the doctors and treat aspects as they come. I know it's easier said then done.   Please let me know how the successful treatment turns out?? ... View more

So many necessary medical tests are often performed and it's so easy to lose track of them all. If it helps, maybe keeping some form of diary lodgement would assist? You could write down: Dates of scans and which area they were for, types of medications that were prescribed but not ideal for current usage or when you last saw the doctor and the general outcome of the appointment? Such activities can give the feeling of more control and it's easier than trying to recall everything. You can review what has been done and advise the doctors what you think should be done as well.   If I may be so bold, perhaps your husband would benefit from seeking additional emotion support? Such as speaking to a guidance counsellor, local support groups or others who have been through something similar. There are many different forms of support available - anywhere from one-on-one to an large welcoming group setting. You can contact or e-mail the Cancer Council Group ph: 13 11 20 for recommendations.   Here is an link for added information: https://cancerqld.org.au/get-support/cancer-emotional-support/cancer-counselling-service/   I can assure you any fear that your husband may have, will not be unique in any way and many thousands before him, would of thought something similar. There are no judgements on any level and sometimes it's just easier to speak with someone outside the immediate circle. ... View more