It is an interesting situation that you relate Allicat. I understand your feeling that some part of you wasn't respected. I have felt like that too. I had an interesting situation a few years ago when my wife told me that her mum had her church group in New Zealand all praying for me. I felt slightly strange being the subject of such concentrated behaviour, but I wasn't upset about it. I just thought "that's nice" and forgot about it. A few days later an old friend whom I hadn't seen for many years emailed me out of the blue. I chatted back and mentioned the cancer, treatment, remission, etc. Her reply: "I wish I had known, I would have done some remote healing." I was furious! I thought: "How dare you to presume to have a role in this! Who the hell do you think you are! Remote healing? Bugger off!" Then I realised that my reaction to the suggestion of remote healing was quite different to my reaction to hearing that a church group in another country had set about praying for me. I have got as far as thinking that the reactions were different because I respect the tradition of prayer (regardless of my own place in it as a behaviour) but I do not respect any tradition of remote healing (regardless of my experience of it, or lack thereof). Recently I have been reading a lot of Carl Jung's writing on the psyche and its essentially spiritual nature. It helps me see particular traditions of behaviour in an overall context of purpose. It feels pretty comfortable to be doing that. H ... View more

Hi Sarah You have put that point quite succinctly. I know what you mean. It is a struggle for me to not take on the role of the 'sick person' which is what I am in most peoples' eyes. I have a few close friends with whom I can be a version of me I have decided for myself, not the mainstream version that the illness had already mapped out for me in which I only had to turn up and play sick. I am more and more inclined to agree with the aphorism: "one door closes and another opens". I used to hate it because it just seemed superficial. But now I am feeling that some doors are closing because I have opened other ones. I have opened these new doors deliberately. It is a result of the events in my life and my understanding of them. That there is a loss associated with some old doors closing is just a part of it all. I am living my life as I see it, not a life that other (healthy!!!) people see for me. It is hard to be confronted with this. Well it is for me. But I have to see that I am the one who opened the new doors and I have no choice but to go with that. The loss is there, sure. That's the way I deal with the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" thought. This site is a new door, don't you think? It is for me. H ... View more

I think you are right. "Cancer is never dinner conversation". I can just see the evening playing out exactly as you said, with everyone stranded inside their own reactions. I don't suppose there is much that can be done about that. After all, you are not responsible for other peoples' reactions. We had visitors staying at our place while they attended a conference a few years ago. We cooked them a big dinner and sat down to eat. They asked me why I was not at work during the day. I said I have some health issues at the moment and left it at that. Later my wife asked me why I had not told them I had cancer. I said I made a decision to not reveal more because I did not think it was dinner table conversation! She hadn't thought of it like that. H ... View more

I make lots of chicken soup at the moment, ChickenSoup. It is just so nurturing and healing. Nothing else comes close to chicken soup! I am working on getting the clearest broth I can. My daughter complemented me on the clarity of the broth when we were having wanton soup last week. I will continue making chicken soup in all its glory. There is something about bones simmering on the stove that I find irresistible. H ... View more

Happy birthday, peanutz. Does he access some counselling or do you do it all? H ... View more

Glad the system worked for you in the end, Sailor. It sounds like a horrendous few days. There is nothing quite like grandchildren to set things back on the right track. I have a supply of Oxynorm 20mg for special celebrations such as bone pain (a multiple myeloma speciality that sounds comparable to what you experienced in terms of discomfort). I guard them with my life. I need to know I have them. Haven't used one for years but they are the big guns I know I need to be at hand when the bone pain is otherwise uncontrollable. I recommend them to you. Cheers. Good job. H ... View more

Good luck with it. Let me know if it is MM so we can compare notes. H ... View more

Hi Loupylass Sounds like the diagnosis still has a few stages to go through! It is weird to have MM in soft tissue rather than in the bones. How do I cope with MM? The most valuable thing I have done is to read a lot about the relationship between illness and identity. And write about that. To start with, we see ourselves as: healthy - illness = sick person I prefer to see myself as: identity - illness = new identity In other words in my equation I don't end up as a "sick person". That's how I cope. I am a complete identity as much as the next person. I am careful about being cast in the role of the sick person, because that disempowers me. Other people, medicos and carers, give you that identity, not yourself. This is the short version. I am aware there is plenty to read and reflect on. I learn from that reading then I set about making it up myself. That's the fun part! H ... View more

Makes perfect sense to me. Not crazy at all. Loupylass? If you say so, but I doubt it. I have multiple myeloma and have had plenty of treatment, including all the things you have mentioned, in the last five years. Is your cancer a blood cancer too? As far as talking to other people goes, I don't have any rules about it. I do not feel compelled to "tell the truth". Nor do I feel as though it is my job to make things easy for everyone else whilst I dissolve into a puddle on the floor. I guess I have learned to sense what would work in a given situation. I do not have high expectations of most people, but I have a very small number of friends whom I know I can dump on and be listened to. That is all I need. I do not need everyone to be able to hear the whole thing, or whatever. I maintain a very small network for that (maybe two people, three at most). The other aspect of this is that they do not know that you are changing. They are seeing the old you, but you are feeling new things and seeing them in a possibly very different way. Life is different. Maybe you need to make space for letting things unfold. There are good counselling services around too. I make use of them all the time. That's part of my new life. Lots of my older friends do not have a clue about that aspect of my life and I don't expect them to. Nothing crazy about your post. Not at all. I recognise it, for sure. H ... View more