Just letting you know that I am thinking of you.
Sailors suggestion is a great one. I have found the Cancer Council councilling (you can have phone councilling if you prefer or are regional) really helpful.
This site is also good to help express your feelings. It does sound like you have so much on your plate - it is ok to feel what you are feeling at the moment and to ask for help.
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I have an oligodendrogioma type 11/111 - the histopathologists were divided on diagosis it seems - with deletion chromosomes. Luckily (if there is such a thing) with a brain tumour (hehehe)I had a frontal lobe tumour initially that could be resected (as the benign facial tumour broke the cheek bone - lead to the CT scan that found the nasty one fairly early in the piece - another 3 months - well we all know how that story would of went). Funnily enough, I didn't initially have chemo etc as I have a private neuro who put me into some drug trials/research projects as they had such great resection and was relatively unscathed = I actually had more damage from the facial tumour resection at the time - and vertigo etc from that. Oh yeah, diagnosed xmas day 2008 (so my little girl was 18 months at the time). So I went back to work way to early etc (as a vet) and September last year started to have major seizures (found to have a small amount of tumour regrowth - they have decided to watch for now - but will eventually resect when bigger, - it is in the same place in the brain) and it has taken until now to gain control of the seizures. (6 weeks seizure free) - I am working full time (I own the clinic and have to as due to cost of running staff last year, really finacially strained, and cant sell as way to much in debt but working on it) but have vertigo, muscle weakness etc etc, double vision, and emotional outbursts from time to time (dont know wether they are just stress or the BT (brain tumour moments as my staff call them) and constant fatigue and a migraine type headache. Most of all I struggle with the loss of independance without a drivers licence - living in a country town with no public transport or even a taxi - so I have to walk - a lot - rain/hail or shine - even when I feel like crap. Most people think I am on a fitness kick as a long time on Dex and varying epilepsy meds stack on the weight - and my elderly clients in particular have commented - I saw you walking to work the other day dear - you must be feeling so much better - keep up the good work! - I just nod, feel like crying etc - but at least I can walk right now - that is important. Most of all I worry about my daughter and her future. You sound like a wonderful partner and support to your husband - it must be so difficult for you right now.
Great to meet you.
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I was 32 when diagnosed with a brain tumour and a facial tumour (luckily that was benign and lead to the brain tumour being diagnosed when it was at a resectable stage). I have had one successful resection (although I now have some regrowth)- and I am learning to live with the epilepsy. I have a 3 year old daughter.I have been and continue to struggle with the what does the future hold, especially where my daughter is concerned, as my husband and I have had an incredibly topsy turvy relationship since daignosis (including separation).
I have been given a time frame from anywhere from 5 years to 'if you fight it one by one' you just never know.....type scenario, and I just get....'I don't have a crystal ball' from my neurosurgeon in particular. So I have decided to live life as best as I can for now.
There are others on this site who have lost loved ones to brain tumours in a much shorter time frame since I have been diagnosed. So in respect to them I will not complain. I do feel for you right know - especially as your family is away. I just wanted to reach out and give you a cyber hug so to speak.
This site is a wonderful site to express your emotions and to gain support when you need it the most - you can make some absolutely wonderful friends that are going through the same thing that you are - so please, blog and continue to blog.
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Grief is a normal human emotion. It would be so unhuman of you not to cry right now. You have held it together for so long. Cry, cry lots, cry together if you have to - but laugh as well, remember the funny stuff, remember the good times - talk and talk as much as you can right now. He knows you love him and he obviously loves you and that is what is important when it all boils down to it. That is what will help you come through this eventually. Who cares if other people see you cry - he is your dad and you love him and he is dying - of course you are going to be sad right now - who wouldnt be? But don't forget to remember the good times as well right now..............it sounds like you have an awesome father daughter relationship - that is something to cherish and to celebrate and something that you can hold dear for the rest of your life. I feel so much for you and for Chris right now,
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Glad to hear that you have such wonderful little poppets in your life to live for and that bring out the 'lets play' - no matter, what the weather, or what the disease is throwing at you. For me, this is my daughter.
You are such an inspiration to everyone on this site - including myself - your blogs are so insightful and you always seem to know exactly what to say to someone that is struggling with all that is thrown at them with what is the emotional whirlpool of cancer and all that it brings to the surface and then drags you down......
Glad to hear you have to little boys that make the living and its struggle worthwhile,
Hang in there and take care,
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.