I lost my left kidney to cancer about 8 years ago and somehow the sneaky cancer travelled through my lymph nodes into the lungs. I was told it is stage 4 and 6 to 8 months is all I have left. I am fine with that. I have had chronic pain for over ten years. Both shoulders have torn rotator cuffs. An umbilical hernia keeps getting bigger and uglier. The bone spur in my left knee limits stairs. The pain meds especially amytriptyline makes me unable to function. I just want to move on the the next plane of existence.  As Marvin the Android said, "The first 10 million years were the worst, then the next ten million years, well they were even worse, after that I went into a bit of a decline. Am I depressed or is it the meds? Anyhow, I hate life a lot. Just wondering if anyone else is willing to share their mess. ... View more