Hi @Kellza72  I've read over your post a few times this afternoon and I was struck by how much painful and traumatic loss you have endured. It feels very understandable that you’re asking why your soul mate was taken from you. It sounds like after a period of much loss, you two found each other and he became your rock, your best friend, and your companion through your own cancer journey. Not only are you grappling with the circumstances surrounding his diagnosis, but also how little time you had left with him before he passed. I imagine it must have been equally as difficult to move into a new home recently without him by your side. Your feelings of being lost, alone and defeated are not only understandable but they are also okay. It’s also natural that the loss of your partner has opened up memories of your cancer journey, along with the losses of your baby girls and former partner. The idea that you are somehow supposed to ‘carry on’ with this unsurmountable grief can feel beyond comprehension at times. How are you moving through each day currently? Is there anything you feel helps to ease the overwhelm at times? While it sounds like you might have some people in your life that knew and loved your partner that you can receive support from, sometimes it can be equally important to talk to someone outside of your support network also. Have you looked into what counselling options might be available to you? We do have a support line that is operational from 9am-5pm Monday to Friday that's only a phone call away if you might want to talk or learn more about counselling options available to you. This community can also continue to be a place to share what you are experiencing also – exactly as you have done here. I also noticed the beautiful support you offered in a different post about the way you embraced every moment you had left with your partner. It sounds like you became that rock for him, just as he was once that rock for you during your cancer treatment.  I do hope to see you online again. Take care, Erin, Moderator. CCNSW ... View more