Hey,        Never thought I would post on here but at the moment I really don’t wanna talk to my friends or family about stuff and always tell them I’m fine cos they are going through so much themselves.   A bit of backstory, in November 2023 I was omitted to hospital and learned over the next week I have Stage 4 Terminal metastatic bowel cancer @ then 36YO.    I was given 8-12 months to live, and currently 23 months and 46 Chemo’s later I’m still here, similar weight, can still as I say “walk & talk” which I’m obviously happy about. I have always considered myself lucky and apart from the first 3 months of my diagnosis I have been very positive and it has changed my life for the better because I value everything more in life and I know some people have it must worse than me.   All scans have been good up until the last couple, I have basically cleared the cancer from my Lungs, Abdomen, and bowel is looking good except my liver and lymphnodes have grown over the last couple of the FOLFOX I was on, now I’m on FOLFIRI w/bev and the tumor markers over the first couple of these treatments have reduced significantly.   Just over a year ago my mum (who beat breast cancer 5 years ago) was diagnosed with Brain Cancer (glioblastoma) and passed away 3 weeks ago which has been very hard for everyone.   I live with my best friend and have since my diagnosis, he has been without a doubt the best person I’ve ever had in my life and we have dark humour to get us through, my dad (77) lives 15 minutes from me, my older nephew (22) 15 minutes also and my brother (47) his family in Melbourne but we all have a very good relationship and I have great friends in my life also. Right now, they are all struggling whether it be from mum passing away, work, money, depression anxiety I just wanna keep my problems away from them as I really don’t wanna add anymore stress to them.   I loved my mum so much, and miss her heaps, I have treatment every 2 weeks, 1 day in the chair and 2 days on the bottle before 9 days recovery.   My oncologist is amazing, the nurses are amazing and always keep a smile on their face and mine, I certainly feel like part of the furniture lol.   Coming up to #47 next week and I really have had enough, I know I wanna live, I’ve never been afraid of death just leaving people behind is tough.   knowing that until I pass away, I’ll be doing Chemo, it’s just a lot to take in if it wasn’t before especially with losing mum, and seeing dad how he is (they were married 54 years).   Anyone who has read this far, I really appreciate it, I guess I’m just venting, but I find myself crying every night once my mate goes to bed and I just wanna be happy when im on my own again which at the moment is very tough. onwards and hopefully upwards I guess lol ... View more