Hey there, I thought I would just update as its been a while since I've had time to jump back on here... So, those who followed the above blogs you may know im having dramas with the addiction of drugs ( i know its all bad and not trying to make me feel better but I'm not a heavy user maybe once every two weeks) and i had problems with talking to my partner about it . After a few months i told her the other day. She understood but in that regard i feel ashamed because i don't want anyone to think that yeah i can do the things i do because of my "situation " I'm in. When I was diagnosed the one thing i asked of everyone was to not make me feel any different from anyone else and surely after a while everyone forgot about that chat. So there i was, i found myself back using again. The same as every other addiction i just wanted to go to my place of happiness and forget about it all. Anyway i didn't post this because i thought i had to explain myself to everyone but just because i wanted to for myself to clear it up. Meaning that I'm not a user that is a bad person also. All i ever asked for was just to be treated the same as i was, it makes it so much harder when they don't. my surgery is on Wednesday and sleeping and just going about day to day things is so much harder now and getting more anxious as the day comes up.... ... View more

Thank you so much , I appreciate your comments and they do help me to apply myself to come clean. I got a phone call from the hospital this afternoon to tell me that they have pushed my surgery forward to the 15th of September now.... That phone call really hit me in a way never expected. All my other surgeries have been emergency ones or one i was to young to remember ... i guess its only natural to be scared and freaked out by it all and that's exactly how i am . My family have always been the type to worry to much ( if that's possible) but them being so worried and all of a sudden treating me different since diagnosed gets me thinking that there are more complications than was thought. I have seen professional help with all of the above mentioned, and it was very good i thought but after a while things just got back to the same way... ... View more

Thanks for the speedy reply, I have spoken to people to help the situation Although their response is rehab.. but I don't want to put my family through any more worries its been hard enough as it is. My girlfriend and I have been together since December last year and she knew I use to have issues with taking and she thinks I'm clean, I just can't bring myself to tell her. I don't think I'm being negative with all of this I just want to prepare myself for the worst so if i do get bad news I can live the rest of my life with happiness instead of morning because I had prepared myself already. I know its not the best of ways to handle it but I'm mentally and physically drained from all the life experiences already. Mick ... View more