Hi Sqweege Glad to hear your dad is doing a little better. I think he just needs time to digest all the bad news he has had. It's lovely to know you are taking him to chemo, that will be a great show of your support to him. It is a very boring day for both the patient and the 'loved one'. My partner drives me to my treatments, but has never come into the treatment room with me, as he dislikes all the needles and chemo drips. It can be quite confronting when our loved ones see the fluid actually going in and then realising what it is doing to our bodies. It used to bother me that he wouldnt come, but then I used to sleep most of the time anyway, so I guess in hindsight, I didnt/doesnt matter. Try not to overdue things when you are with your dad, I'm sure he wont mind if something is not done immediately. I'm sure you havent been giving him the shits, he is prob just worried that you are doing too much. As my g/kids say to me - 'take a chill pill' (cheeky little devils)! Sorry your not feeling very well, this is prob due to all the stress with your dad and you trying to do too much. This has all been a big shock to your system too. I'm doing OK - day 3 of no drugs today (1 week off) and I must say I feel much better. I didnt realise the oral IV had as many side effects but after how I have felt for the last 2 weeks, compared to how I feel today, they were doing more than I thought. I'll see what happens next cycle. My daughter, SIL and 5 g/kids came up tonight. Daughter/sil will go home on Sun and I will have the 3 older g/kids until Wednes - that should be a test of my strength, haha. I may not be online much while they are here, 3 teenagers all want to use the computer, so I may not 'get a look in'. Hope you have a great weekend, and enjoy next week with your dad! Hope you start to improve shortly - get a lot of rest. Take care, talk soon Di:) ... View more

Hi Meandma I'm sorry I just had to reply again - I just LOVE your comment - I'm very close to them as well, but there are some parts of an old aunty they just don't need to see. lol I was in the middle of a mouthful of coffee whilst reading your reply and my pc was very nearly covered with coffee, I laughed that much. I think it is great that we can all see the funny side of difficult situations. Thanks for making me laugh and glad we have all been of some help to you. Thanks for the kind words. Di 🙂 ... View more

my gosh - sorry for the ramblings. I do go on a bit dont I. Once I start a reply, my fingers just take over and just keep going. 🙂 ... View more

Hi Meandma I know this post was really for Sqweege, but I just cant help 'butting in'. You have taken a very sensible attitude 'on board' at such a difficult time for YOU. It's great to hear you saying that you are going to put mums pain and discomfort before your own, I know how hard it is to make this decision (I have done it myself!) Your mum sounds like a beautiful lady and you should listen to her when she says 'dont jump everytime she needs something'. Who cares if something doesnt get done today, ie: washing, housework, etc - you can rest assured it will still be there tomorrow or the next day, or maybe even the next (haha). Looking after your mum and taking care of yourself are the main priorities at the moment and it is a HUGE job that yourself (and Sqweege) have taken on board. My mum would 'stick her head in the sand' and think if I dont talk about 'it' or know much about 'it' - then it will just go away. My dad, on the other hand, would talk to me for hours on end about his prognosis and his fears, etc. My mum used to apologise for the things my sister and I used to have to do for her. She was totally incontinent for about 6 months prior to her passing and bed ridden also, and I could see the pain in her eyes as we would clean her up and change her. She would apologise profusely and I would just laugh and say to her 'Mum, you changed my bum as a baby, now it's our turn to change yours! I just cant imagine what goes through 'the parent's' mind as the roles are reversed and 'the children' do the caring. I absolutely adored my mum (as we ALL do adore our parents) and we looked after her at home as that was HER wish. She had a fear of dying, as did my father, but they both feared hospitals more than anything else. They had the mind set that they wouldn't get the proper care in hospital (dad was 63 when he died and mum was 82) - I have no idea how they came to this conclusion - but anyway it was their choice and my sister and I honoured it! I have decided I dont want to put my children through this, (and this is just about ME, I am totally not suggesting this is what anyone else should do) and I have legal documentation that says I am to go into palliative care or a nursing home, so that my children and g/children and partner dont have to do the things for me, that I/we did for my mum. My children and partner are not happy about this decision, but hey, its not gonna happen for a LONG time (if I have my way - haha). Meandma and Sqweege - you both are brilliant ladies and deserve lots of praise for what you are doing for your parents. Keep up the excellent work and take care. @meandma - yes you are human and YES you do have your limitations. Go with the flow and let your body tell you what to do :) big hugs to you both Di ... View more

Hi Doug, thank you so much for your comments, and yes, you have helped. Stage 4 Ca oesophagus - nasty!!! Do you have any secondaries? I do hope you are doing OK! I am on 4 x 500mg daily (2 morning, 2 night) and I have just finished the first 2 weeks, so now I have 1 week off. I havent had any nausea or vomiting (just one night I went to bed I felt a bit queasy - but I havent had that again!) I have had diarrhoea, for which I take Loperamide, but I have Crohns disease as well (dianosed 30 years ago and have had 5 bowel resections) so I have constant diarrhoea anyway, but I really cant say if this has worsened on Xeloda. I have had aches and pains in nearly every bone in my body (you prob have read that I have advanced breast cancer with boney mets), so I'm wondering if this is the effect of Xeloda. I have had extreme exhaustion and for the last week (week 2) have generally felt like I have been hit by a truck. I have not taken Xeloda for 2 days now, and today I think I am starting to feel 'normal' again. I have 2 x CT scans tomorrow, then see onco on Monday, so we will wait and see that the blood tests show and the scans. Thanks again for responding. Good luck with remainder of your treatment. ... View more

Oh Julie, poor little puppy! I hope she is doing OK. I hope the 'accident' didnt happen while you were minding her. My little Lilly has the same problem - thinks she is bigger than she really is, but..... she tends to 'put up a show' from behind my legs and makes sure that mummy is there. Very funny to watch. Hope you're 'travelling' Ok today! Di 🙂 ... View more

Hi Sqweege, By all means 'go off topic' whenever you want! It's nice to 'hear' the happiness in your voice when you talk about your animals. It is also nice for all of us to share the nicer, happier moments of our lives. I just love your response - 'furbaby' - it is so cute - I may have to borrow that one off you! Totally agree with you about 'my heart and soul on 4 legs'. Dogs give us so much love and big, wet, cold kisses! Unconditional love at it's best! Jack Russell's seem to be very popular. I have had a lot of dogs over my lifetime, but these are the only JR's, dont know what made me decide on them, but I am extremely glad I did. They are a beautiful breed, but can try to be the boss of the house! Di 🙂 ... View more

Thank you! 🙂 ... View more

Hi Craftyone thanks for your response and good luck with house shifting - I can imagine how draining that would be for you whilst you're not feeling 100%. On the other hand, it could mean 'new house - new chapter in your life'. Like you, I do get extremely tired, so tired in fact that I cant sleep, and that is why I spend so much time at night on the pc - usually playing silly little games on f/book, but hey, who cares - if it keeps me happy thats all I worry about. I too, find it very draining to work my way through all the responses to the posts, and dont respond to them all, but sometimes there is a post that just grabs at my heart strings and I feel that I need to respond to that person. I am hoping that my response detailing my own experience may be of some help and comfort to others. We are on satellite too, and I find it great, although it does 'drop out' sometimes during bad weather. We purchased a wireless router so my partner and I can be online together. It is amazing with the animals, how they can sense something is wrong. My first little Jack Russell (who absolutely adored me, of course! haha) wouldnt have anything to do with me for about 6 months when I got my initial diagnosis and then during chemo. It was like she 'could smell' that I wasnt the same!!!! I would put her on my knee (where she used to love to be) and she would immediately jump off and go and find my partner. I was just starting to rebuild our bond, when she was killed. I think that is why her death has affected me so much. It has been 9 months now and I still get teary when I think of her (tears in my eyes now as I write this). Good luck with the shifting! Di 🙂 ... View more

Hi Sqweege My goats are beautiful, They are all female and I am trying to talk my partner into buying a ram, so that I can breed them. I have found them be just like dogs, they follow us everywhere and just love human company. I know what you mean about the dogs thinking they are human - I have an 8mth old Jack Russell who thinks she owns the house (and, basically she does!!) She is an inside dog at night and outside with our Border Collie of a day. She is a different dog outside, runs around like a lunatic, but once inside, she returns to that little baby, that just has to be nursed continually. I dont care though, I love it!!! I had another Jack Russell - 2 years old, but unfortunately whilst I was in Melb for treatment, she dug a hole and got out onto the main road and was hit by a truck. I was absolutely devastated and I guess I am over protecting little Lilly, I just couldnt bare for anything to happen to her and I do LOVE the attention she gives me. She always has a 'big wet kiss' for me. haha Hope you are doing OK. Di XX ... View more