My wife passed away last month after just over 20 months since she was diagnosed. She impressed everyone along the way with her stubborness that nothing was happening and she was going to beat it. The scans the week before she passed away actually showed teh brain tumours and liver tumours were under control and that the bone ones had spread a bit more. In the end it really wasn't the cancers that got her teh rest of her body was failing gradually losing muscle strength from her feet up until she could only move her left arm and head. I know exactly what you mean about the emptyness and the waves that hit you out of no where. You keep thinking that they will be there again when you turn around. You wonder is life really fair. ... View more

It is all over now and the anticipatory grief has turned into real grief. My wife and soulmate has finally succumbed. She was an unbelievable woman at no stage did she get angry or say why me. She never asked for a timeline as she saw that as some sort of finality to her not knowing meant that it was never going to happen. In the end it really did happen very quickly. I was the one that got angry with the world and said why us. Our plans are all gone. Although we were lucky at least she was able to see our first grandchild who was only born five days ago. So much joy and so much sadness in ony a couple of days. ... View more

Sharon, Sorry to hear of your loss I remembered you participating in the anticipated grief blog last year. My wife is still hanging in their after 18 months of treatment with radiation next week. Cancer now in her bones and brain as well as the liver. I can relate to all your feelings even while we are on the journey, the numbness, the trying to be strong in front of your loved one, the emptyness in your chest. Yet we continue to joke and plan for the future occasionally the cancer forcing us back to reality when things start to go wrong. ... View more

The battle continues. Since I last added something to this post the cancer has increased in her liver and gone to her bones and brain. We have the radiated spheres put in teh liver and after easter commence radiation for teh brain tumors. The saddest thing now is watching her deteriorating motor skills. We have our first grandchild due next month and she is worried that she wont be able to nurse it and she will throw it up in the air. I said to her I want to see her dress the baby. I think teh baby will have to live in a nappy and a rug when Ma is around. I think the most interesting thing is the way the children all react to the situation. The boys tend to not visit but our daughter has just gotten closer. She rings her mother two to three times a day to chat and two weeks ago went with us on a holiday to the Gold Coast. Because the boys only see their mother every month or so the changes to them are significant. Number three son couldn't cope with seeing how is mother was at the last visit. She continues to struggle on and says, "Give me time and I will get there." We stay positive near each other but every week or so I need a break for a couple of hours and thats when it really hits me and you go through the thoughts what will I do with out her, will I sell the house, will I change jobs the decisions are many. In the back of your mind you are wishing that it wasn't happening and that we still had another 30 years together to grow old gracefully and fulfill all our plans. Everyday hurts and the future even moreso. ... View more

It is now three months since I joind this forum.  Things have continued but the chemo wasn't able to slow up all the cancers with the discovery of a few more.  My wife is still in denial about it all although she is slowing up now she sleeps for 12 to 16 hours a day is going off her food and some days has difficulty moving around.  All the time she says she is okay but when you have known someone since you were 6 it is hard to hide anything.  We started getting into a routine again but it hurt more coming home and finding she was not well.  I am thankful for every day but everyday hurts a bit more and you feel an emptyess in your stomach.  I know the outcome is inevitable and every touch and cuddle means more every day but I do worry what I will do when she is no longer there, for the first time in my life I will be alone without my rock and soul mate. ... View more

I am so glad that my thoughts are no different to someone else going through the same situation.  Yes I have gone through the planning the funeral and run through teh eulogy so many times in my head.  I think this will be the first time I write down a speech just in case I need someone else to finish it off for me.  I have set myself a goal of giving the eulogy as no one could cover our life experiences like I could and I feel I owe her the honour. We have not discussed dying until about four weeks ago when we had two nights where she couldn't even lie down.  We spent those two nights sleeping in the chairs in the loungeroom.  It was on the first of these nights that my wife said to me it is true I am dying aren't I.  She said up to now I think I have still been in denial. She wants her ashes put in five separate containers so that she can be with each of her kids for ever. She still potters around each day but she says she is fine in teh morning but it gets worse as the day goes on. It is so good to be able to put your thoughts down as it helps releive the pressure.   ... View more