March 2009
Hi Bev, Thanks for the kind words. I don't think that we think of ourselves as being brave. It comes from doing what you feel you must do for someone you love or care for deeply. We learn that we have newfound strengths and are able to cope with things that we never considered we would have to do. We do it with love and caring. Once again thanks for the kind words. Jill
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January 2009
Many times I have experiences anniversary grief. There were many firsts to get through, All our anniversaries, first time we met, moved in together, exchanged rings, got engaged. Every Tuesday ( he died on a Tuesday night) felt like a resurgence of grief and sometimes it was so severe I thought I couldnt take it anymore but I took a deep breath, told him I loved him and took a baby step. Now I still get anniversary grief but i am learning to deal with it slowly. They say the first year is the worse but I have found that heading into the second year is nearly as bad. It is 16months since I lost my husband to bowel cancer and we had no time to prepare for the outcome. I know I am not the only one going through this and i am making steps forward, every now and then I go backwards but I am getting there, I didnt think I was going to get there for a while but I am just taking it one day at a time. Cant go round it, over it or under it so I guess I just have to go through it. We are not alone in this new life that we didnt choose Jill
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January 2009
I lost my husband of 13 years to bowel cancer ten months ago. It was such a shock as no one had said that he was going to die. One day he was talking, the next he stopped and I was told he was dying and only had days. He had two. He had only been diagnosed for 6 months and he had gone in to have his ileostomy reversed. I was his carer as well. they did this and found he had adhesion, then he developed infections in his wound site and a urinary tract infection. He was so frail that it broke my heart to see him like that. On the day that they told me he was dying the doctors said he was waiting for something, I had to do the hardest thing ever and told him that if it was all too hard for him then I didnt want to lose him but I understood and it was ok to go. he seemed calmer after this and the next day he passed over in my arms. I miss him so much, he was my world. It has been a tough time but I am getting there slowly. So to others in this or a similar situation it may not help now but I just want to say that you will get through this, just take care of yourself, take baby steps and take it one day at a time. It will never be the same but a new "normal" will evolve and a stronger you will come out of this. Your loved one will be there with you just as my husband is with me always. Hope that this helps Jill
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January 2009
Soozi I dont know if you remember me, I emailed you last year when this site first started. Bob lost hist battle on 31st July last year, it was quite unexpected and sudden, only two days notice. I havent taken much part in this site since then. I am sorry to hear about Philip. I posted earlier today in the loss section but if you feel like emailing me to talk or if i can help in any way please let me know. Hugs and take care Jill
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