My husband was diagnosed with epithelioid Harmangeoendothelioma 4 and a half years ago when our daughter was 3 and our son was 7 months. He passed away three weeks ago.
My daughter was initially fine on the surface, but her sleeping and eating patterns are erratic.
My son was initially talkative, expressed that he felt sad, cried a bit, asked a heap of questions about where dad was.....and I thought he would be the better of the two of them. However, he has been increasingly hitting out at me and at his sister.
A psychologist told me that the kids understand, but they don't understand to quite the depth or level that adults do, which is a good thing.
My kids daily make a comment about dad that makes me want to weep, sometimes crack up laughing, and other times speechless as I can't answer their questions (thank god for Dr Google...although even he sometimes doesn't know everything).
I guess there are no rules, and what little reading I have done to get kids through this sort of thing, just go with your gut and do what feels right for you.
And chuck the rules out the window and cuddle them if you need to........
I don't know that I've been much help, but know that you are not alone.
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I'm just so sorry for what you and your daughter are going through.. I'm not in your situation but can relate my own experience of when I was young...I remember it so well.
My dad died when I had just turned 7. I remember I used to dream that mum had lied to me and that he may still be alive..I think that's because she decided it was better for my brother and I not to go to the funeral. I think it would have given me closure if I had gone...who knows..
But I also remember clearly using his death against mum if we had an argument. I'd do exactly what your daughter seems to be doing. I'd say 'my daddy wouldn't do this to me if he was here' and things like that, when I knew very well what I was saying. Your little girl is younger, so she may not be as calculating as I was!! :)
All I can say is I wish you the best of everything and hope time eventually heals a little for you both. Xx
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My heart goes out to you! My husband is 35 with an grade 2 astrocytoma.
I'm 30 with 2 young children & it is extremely hard to go through this, with the headaches & aggression it is extremely hard to process & try not to get emotional.
If you would like to chat more, feel free to pm me
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.