Yes, I certainly agree, the anticipatory grief is very difficult to deal with. I have a great sense of loss for the future, for what we have planned to achieve and do together. My partner was diagnosed in Nov 06 after a long two years of being sick and no one being able to work out his problem. He has received a very poor "statistical" prognosis, has had one major operation and has been receiving three days of chemo treatment every fortnight since Jan 07. We have tried to lead a 'normal' life, like before the diagnosis, but we just can't do that. We have experienced such major changes to our life that we are continually adusting to our new way of life. It was difficult to accept the fact that he will die one day, and when I began to entertain this idea I felt guilty thinking about death and felt that I was tempting fate, like it is actually going to happen. And then I realised that it is ok to think and talk about these matters. We have been fortunate enough to have a friend who unbeknown to us before the diagnosis is a counsellor and is quite experienced in grief counselling. Well, they made us feel quite welcome to ask for his help to deal with this cancer diagnosis and treatment, so we accepted his invitation and have not looked back since. I am so proud of ourselves in asking for his help, as I feel we would not be coping as we are now had we tried to sort out our thoughts ourselves. We do grieve for the future plans we have now lost, but we focus strongly on our new adjusted life and always take heart in the good experiences we have. We don't plan too far in advance for what we are doing, usually up to a week at the most. We let the grief happen, and ensure we use up those emotions, we don't bottle them up, as once they are out, they are released and we can put our energies into the now and remain strong. We are both very positive people and I feel that has also assisted us in managing and coping with our continually adjusting life. One day I know I will have to embark on a journey of grief that will be so much more than what I have ever experienced, but I am not the one with cancer, and I remind myself of that fact. Since the cancer diagnosis I have experienced a whole range of emotions, and through this I have learnt to be patient. Grief is something that I am not familiar with, and I suppose that is why it scares me for when the time come. But I know I will have to remind myself it is ok to grieve, to go with the flow, get the right help with it at the right time and be patient. These forums are very helpful to me, it confirms the fact that this cancer experience is felt by not only myself. I have found some very helpful comments throughout the forums. Thank you.
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