each of us handle the news and subsequent treatments differently. some believe they are spaying their partner pain & worry if they deal with it alone. Many are so also unable to deal with anyone else during this time. My mother & sisters turned on me during our time of palliatively caring for dad, who wanted to come home. I have no idea why they did, other than they needed a venting target. they avoided me & blamed me after he died. effectively i was kicked out of their family. My dad could tell me his darkest fears and we spent our time together discussing his fears and beliefs, we had always been close. I am the eldest. 3 years later i was diagnosed with cancer only my mum visited but they were short unsustaining events. i figured she couldn't cope with another illness so close to dad's death. the sister down from me had had a heart attack 3 months after dads death - she was also treated badly by them. She recovered well and wanted to care for me during my radiation treatment - but mostly she made my life hell - criticising me and my kids. the only relief i got was the ten mins being irradiated! the trip in & out was hell. so i stepped away from her to concentrate on getting thru it all. my oldest daughter (27) took me to all my treatments & med appts. but afterwards after the radiation finished she lost it too and avoided me. what i learned from all of this people can only give you what they are capable of. So you need to find your own resilience and inner support. Regardless of whether you are a carer or a person living with cancer. ... View more

each of us handle the news and subsequent treatments differently. some believe they are spaying their partner pain & worry if they deal with it alone. Many are so also unable to deal with anyone else during this time. My mother & sisters turned on me during our time of palliatively caring for dad, who wanted to come home. I have no idea why they did, other than they needed a venting target. they avoided me & blamed me after he died. effectively i was kicked out of their family. My dad could tell me his darkest fears and we spent our time together discussing his fears and beliefs, we had always been close. I am the eldest. 3 years later i was diagnosed with cancer only my mum visited but they were short unsustaining events. i figured she couldn't cope with another illness so close to dad's death. the sister down from me had had a heart attack 3 months after dads death - she was also treated badly by them. She recovered well and wanted to care for me during my radiation treatment - but mostly she made my life hell - criticising me and my kids. the only relief i got was the ten mins being irradiated! the trip in & out was hell. so i stepped away from her to concentrate on getting thru it all. my oldest daughter (27) took me to all my treatments & med appts. but afterwards after the radiation finished she lost it too and avoided me. what i learned from all of this people can only give you what they are capable of. So you need to find your own resilience and inner support. Regardless of whether you are a carer or a person living with cancer. ... View more

when i had my surgery, radial hysterectomy which took four hours longer as they had to cut through internal adhesions and two lungs recovering from PE's i was terrified but put on a brave face. i was determined that i wasn't going to be a drag on those that were there to care fore me. i cracked jokes, chatted happily even though i was full of fear. the staff couldn't believe how i was capable of doing things hours after the surgery and my happy nature= but i do already have a happy nature and i really believe you can make yourself feel better by looking at life with gratitude - i refused the why me palava and decided whatever way it went i was still grateful and i still am. grieve but then look at what you have and what you will have. as an earlier post said, it is the small things in life and i would suggest, being here and present in the moment. i wish you every success, and a lot of how you feel is mental even in the bleakest times xx ... View more

i know exactly what you mean. my brain is fine - my body isn't doing so well, especially during radiation- i was exhausted but in my head i am fine and healthy and i get impatient with my body because i want to do stuff but it doesn't work the same way any more. All the people in the radiation clinic waiting room didn't exchange smiles or hellos even though we saw each other every day. i tried to engage but they were shut into themselves or the people they were with. i felt overwhelmed with their negative energy even though i fully understood that each person deals with what they are going through in their own way. i felt if i was as low in energy as they were that the radiation wouldn't work as well. strange i know but i wanted to give myself the best opportunity so i told myself that we (me, myself and i) were going to come through this ok and with a sense of humour so i made it my mission to be lively and jokey with the staff as they prepared me for the radiation- even if i was terrified. many of the people were elderly and wheelchair bound bought down from the wards- some were also having chemo. at no stage did i think that i belonged there and that i was in fact ill even though i had pulmonary embolisms and endometrial cancer. if i hadn't suffered from the radiation damage, i wouldn't considered myself ill. the bowel and bladder problems was the thing that made me feel ill. even now still with those problems and a year and a half post radiation - i feel healthy. ... View more

Hey Luke, it is such a scary time. Sometimes you just can't accept it is happening. Nothing i can say to you will make you feel better. even after the treatment phase you fear a slippery little sucker cancer cell escaped. but as you said a new day arise and you have hope it will be good for you. that is the seed you have to sew in you - tell it to grow and tell it is nourished by others love and hope for you as strongly as your own essence hopes it. it isn't an easy time, but don't try and fight it go with the flow. try anything that will help you, Reiki, massage, meditation, being with those you love, being in nature, reading joyful hopeful books, talking to those that get what is happening to you, prayer,even if you don't believe, it is a powerful thing to know people you don't even know think enough of you to pray for you. listen to your favourite music, discover newer genres open your self up to all possibilities= get someone else to be hopeful for you and enjoy their hopefulness and belief in your healing yours will grow too. i am praying, thinking and sending you my very best wishes Luke, because these helped me too when i was undergoing operations and treatment. ... View more