Stargazer ... thank you for your words. Yes I too am finding counselling helpful. Though some days I'm almost too tired to cry even though I want to. I feel so detached from everything and find my motivation dwindling. It sounds as though you are in an ok place now, which is encouraging to hear. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose someone after being with them for 29 years. My time with my partner was a fair bit shorter than that. Are your children still with you at home or are you living alone? I am on my own and without children - which I think adds to my loneliness. ... View more

Chinwag....your words bring back vivid memories of those last few months with my partner. It is so so incredibly hard to stand by and watch when someone you are so close to isn't eating and is hardly the person you have known. Treasure every moment - as I am sure you are. Make sure he knows how much you love him. I distinctly remember the last night my partner and I slept in the same bed. I didn't know that it would be the last time. The next night we had a hospital bed for him down stairs as he was no longer able to get up and down the stair case. It felt a little strange to be lying there next to someone so unwell but I have fond memories of falling asleep holding hands. They are nice loving memories to have. My thoughts are with you. ... View more

Catherine251 thanks for your post. I know a little of what you refer to. Whilst I do not have cancer myself, my partner passed away 6 weeks ago from cancer. Going through this has likewise made me notice how some people stand by you and how others seem to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening. You really do get to see who can handle the hard stuff and who can't. As for inappropriate comments ... after battling cancer for 2 years, my partner went into emergency and stayed in hospital for 10 days. We were soon told that there was nothing more they could do and that time would be short. Throughout his time in hospital he did not want to see anyone but me and two close friends. During this time I had lunch with some other friends of his, partly out of a sense of obligation, to fill them in what was happening. One of them fired question after question after question at me, then gave me patronising advise telling me how I must be feeling and then went on to say "we were talking the other day (referring to herself and the other friends present) and we were talking about how we have needs in this too. We're effected by this too you know". I'm not entirely sure what she was insinuating. It felt directed at me and to this day I am not sure why she felt the need to tell me that or what her point was. Perhaps she felt I was somehow preventing her needs being met. If so, how I was doing that I really do not know. Either way it hurt and was the last thing I needed to hear then or ever in this situation. ... View more

smartyaligatorpants, gosh that is a lot to deal with to have two people, so close to you, passing away in such a short period of time. I can't imagine how hard that must be. My partner died 6 weeks ago. We didn't have any children. Its good to know and remember there are others going through this too - that I am not quite as alone as I feel. Today has been particularly tough as its the first day that I haven't been busy sorting stuff out or had plans with other people. So lots of tears and feeling lost. I posted the above and following that then happened to click on your posts where I learnt in more detail what you have been going through and feeling. That you just sit and cry and can hardly do anything. Gosh .... you are so not alone in that. As I mentioned above, today (and last night) have been especially like that for me too. I have pretty much spent the day on the couch, aside from an hour in bed this afternoon. Lat night I took a sleeping tablet as I was so emotional I couldn't get to sleep. I feel vague and spacey and tired. Are you linked in to any kind of palliative care service that provides any support for carers/grievers? I tend to agree with many of the other comments that have been made around seeking out some more support. I am lucky to be able to access counselling support through Eastern Palliative Care - but that is because we were registered with that service when my partner was sick at home. You may already know too of Griefline? They provide a phone service (free) from 12 noon to 3am every day based in Melbourne. You could Google them or call their number 9935 7400. Alternatively, perhaps you could find a more empathic GP who could refer you to a counsellor/psychologist. If you can find the strength to get some support - I really think that would help. But too I understand how hard it is to find the energy for getting out of bed, let alone seeking out any of that stuff. And I get too how all this can just feel like empty words that kind of float over your head. It can seem like no amount of words, suggestions and well wishes can do anything to make you feel better. ... View more