I thought I would write a quick update, funnily enough I find this very therapeutic. Back in January the spots came back okay but later on in March - Pow! Another spot. This time the spot on my fiance's liver proved to be a problem. He has just been through 4 weeks of radiation and chemo (with one more week to go). Okay, so with the first diagnosis (Stage 3 bowel cancer) I was so very sad, now I feel that our future together is slowly disappearing. I don't know if I mentioned before that he is in Melbourne and I'm in Sydney, which makes it very difficult to connect with his turmoil. Every so often, I have a little meltdown, sometimes with him, sometimes alone. He does try to push me away and gives me a choice to stay with him or walk away. I feel guilty to say that I have considered walking away, I feel that it could be better for both of us. He doesn't need negativity, sometimes I can't help be negative and depressed. We have been together for over 6 years. Endured our long-distance romance for almost 4 years. (In case you're wondering, he won't make the move here or me there until he is better). Thanks for listening. :) ... View more

I too feel guilty for having feelings of "what if". but can't bring myself to ask him the question.  My fiance, who lives in another city, was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer last November.  After almost 6 months of some pretty aggresive chemo, he had his first barrage of tests to check the progress, today we find out there maybe spots on his liver.  Immediately, i thought "he is going to die".  My partner is very positive and up-beat (one of us has to be), but i can't help but think the worst. I cant control my emotions while I talk to him, friends or family.  By me being so sad and depressed i know is not helping his wellbeing, but in his moments of personality change (due to chemo side-effects) he can also accuse me of cold and heartless if i show know feelings about the cancer or chose not to talk about it.  I have asked him countless questions and thankfully, he has given me the answers but there is a little voice deep inside that says that this is the beginning of the end.  Sorry for being so down and depressed and waffling.  Forgive Me. K ... View more