thank you for your kind words life is tough but if i keep busy I dont dwell on it maybe later I will be able to offer advice to others but now its a bit raw , sometimes its the small things that make you cry and other times I am fine good luck to all of you  ... View more

thank you for your kind words I hope you are doing ok will keep checking to see how things progress for you feel too numb to answer any others or offer them any advice  ... View more

sadly after the 2 hour injection stage we finally got him comfortable and in no pain but peacefull and he passed in his sleep tuesday night thankfully because we had him at home there was no rush my daughter and I stayed up all night talking to him and singing to him he went knowing he was well loved now I just fill numb and have withdrawel syptoms keep going to check on him or talk to him ,because he is being cremated we have plenty of time to plan funeral but all details were recorded awhile ago and no death cant destroy love he will always be in my heart like in his song ""until the twelth of never"" I read once that greif is love that cant be given, sadness because you cant give your love to them ,well i will bloody well try .love people you love as much as you can while you can . ... View more

know how you feel life right now is so hard its hard to live with no hope nothing to look forward to it is most peoples life to have something to look forward to something that makes you happy but terminal cancer robs you of those normal things I figure people say those things because thats there normal and they cant imagine how tough our normal is . my hubbies cancer has hit fast forward very little conversation buts lots of TLC and injections but yes i still feel I am lucky that I can take care of him and spoil him ,seriously when I got married no one said make sure you love him because one day you may be wiping his bum getting barely any sleep because he needs injections every 2 hours well I do love him more than enough for all of it my xmas present forhim is a lovely photo of us and on frame is written"" I will love you till the twelfth of never ::it has always been his song for me but htink I may need to give it to him sooner rather than later hang in there I know it is waiting ffor the worst inivetable but its our chance to prove we meant our vows  through sicknesss and in health it will take death to part us    ... View more

your right his drugs dont releive my pain ,not sure there are any that could ,spending so much time on my own he sleeps so much its like I an getting ready for being on my own at least now I have a mission watching and listening out for him always vigilant afterwards will be different still I am luckier than most getting heaps of support my daughter visits after work every night and I get local nursing support 3x2hrs of respite which I use to run round do shopping ,post things etc etc ,how do you go with this how do you spend your time ?  ... View more

its awesome that I could help you, have loved reading your replies and its great that your husband is looking forward to these big milestones in your life not many people make it to 50 yrs it is a major acheivement, a sign of success .and thanks to this site no I dont feel alone in  my battle it is so what I needed there are so many things that happen in our realities that aren't part of other peoples life ie last week i got a delivery a hospital bed vibrating matteress mattress protectors wedge pillow and cover wasnt I lucky irionic yes but it was a massive help BUT didn't really make me feel lucky normal people get normal things delivered .I want my husband to be secure in the feeling of being well loved and cared for and that is my priority and reality.   ... View more

thank you you are right loseing everything slowly ... View more

I am glad you understand now so hard losing them slowly but i am glad that I have oppurtunities to still love and spoil him every time i help him stand up I hug him and yes he feels losing things too I try and joke about it things like I know now why you married a younger woman so I would be fit enough to look after you now makes him laugh am dreeding the day he dosent reconize me hopefully it wont happen but he can and does get very confused our Dr says that is part of last stages ,glad your dog is ok ,dogs are great sounding boards tell them anything your worst thought and they will still love you .my daughter and I are putting up xmas lights today ,something i can do at home and stop and start and it will cheer us all up think it is only part of xmas I am looking forward to .and yes Flazums is right I feel better for sharing glad some one understands    ... View more

anticapatory greif is anticapating your greif when you lose your partner but in our situation you are already losing them I have lost my usefull hubby and the one that used to share things with me and the one that made decisions and yet i still have my hubby just now my whole life is about caring for him and yes each day is different some days I cope fine and other days I am so close to tears all day so loseing your friend would be very tough I have several friends I can share rant to ,losing one to cancer now would be so adding to your stress level ,something I take consolation in is I am slowly letting him go so I have time to get used to it a friend of mine lost her hubby suddenly and she was a wreck had no idea what type of funeral he wanted what he wanted done about this or that ,at least i have had time to prepare we have discuss and recorded his wishes so when he goes it will be easier to deal with .I am sorry about your dog I hope the dog is ok now.these things would make you feel overloaded .I try my hardest when I am empting bed pans whatever to be as gentle as I can with him feel I am sending him off with good memories and when he is sleeping I try and do something for me set myself challenges see what i can acheive it may be something as simple as finally getting to that cupboard thar seriously needs organising etc or sometimes i immerse myself in a good book and it is fine to cry tough for your family to watch but girls need to cry . the tempting them to eat thing is tough I would make anything for my hubby but hes not interested when I find something he will eat i repeat it but seriously somedays success is getting one protein milkshake consumed .cancer is a cruel thing both for the person with it and there carers all carers need to be issued with masses of patiances .I wish you well    ... View more