mum's survival is paramount and it would appear that she is taking steps to ensure this. Her first remission brought her joy and better health and your post shows you shared in her happiness.  The extraneous relationship difficulties you all have experienced with your father have really hurt you  as it shows in the letter, and has added another anxious factor to your life. Events like this compound your anxiety levels. i read of your desire to support your mum during her appointments and how this often conflicts with loyalty to your work place. That adds another frantic anxiety! It will help if you can share the companionship with your mum  when appointment times arrive. Have you asked mum if she has other friends that can share the transport and appointment burden ? . A shared roster would take the pressure off you a little. Dont  feel too negative about counsellor help . A highly trained counsellor can be a great aid to your emotional and mental wellbeing . I am a full time carer to my wife, very ill with ovarian cancer and counselling has given me  an audience that no friend could provide. a good councellor will aid you no end to sort out your frustrations  fears  and disappointments and help you unravel your present franric condition. The cancer council can help you find a very good counsellor and this WILL help you through this present trauma hang in there. andy.           ... View more