Hi there.   Like so many this is my first post.   The story:   My husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer three days before chirstmas past.   I was amazed at how fast the system worked from walking into a random medical clinic (we don't have children and hardly sick so we don't have a regular GP), being sent to getting a ultrasound being sent back to random GP then getting a referral to oncologist and having my husband admitted into hospital/surgery with him being released Christmas day. Truly it went so fast that we both never had time for the cancer news to sink in, one moment he had it the next the tumor was removed and he was told that, for now, other then regular blood tests and CT scans he wouldn't need any kind of treatments as it's likely that's it. So you can image the odd rush of emotions in such a short period of time.   A few months back he started to get terrible, to the point of debilitating, back aches. He thought it might be kidney stones since he is prone to them and hasn't had one in about 15years (he is in his forties) so he went back to the same GP, had a blood test and scan and then the symptoms went away. There was blood in his urine but after a week of bad pain it stopped, the blood test didn't show any alarming signs and as the clinic didn't have us rushing around like last time we figured it was stones and we forgot about it (you know how it is, this year is flying by and life just takes over.)   Today, for an entirely different reason husband went back to the clinic and as an after thought was given the results of that kidney test by the GP. The report showed he has renal neoplasms in a kidney as well as (forgive me forget the name it was given) but signs of growths on his lymph.    I've never been a negative thinker before but right now I have so many angry/outraged questions flying around my head that I can't control, questions like "why was this time not treated in the same sense of urgency like last time?" & " surely "just because it's christmas" wasn't the reason why he got so much help so fast last time?"  I have no idea how to calm down. Next to that anger is fear, I'm so very frightened, and it's not just the sickening thought of my loved one having cancer, the fear seems to be irrational and seeping into everything. I'm either thinking highly angry things or dark scary things and truly I'm at a loss on how to move past it so I can be a strong for my husband because right now he looks terrified and that's a first because I've never seen him scared before, but here I am, sitting here with these stupid angry, selfish, scary thoughts and I'm at a loss on how to get past it and be strength for him.   So I'm reaching out online asking if there is even just one person out there who, like me, was so angry and scared to the point it was controlling everything and what did they do to help get past it? Any piece of advice or any tip would be so appreciated right now because I'm literally not thinking straight and I need to be, for him.   Also what do I do now? We talk about it but should I stop talking about it? The oncologist is away until later in the week so we're just at home with no plans to see anyone medically, should I distract him? I don't want to fuel his fear.   at such a loss.   (sorry for long post)     ... View more