My partner and I are only just starting this journey and I'm afraid of what is to come. I work in the medical field, occasionally in oncology, so Its like I know just enough to worry about things that haven't occurred yet and possibly might not even happen! My bf of only 18mths was diagnosed only 6 weeks ago with stage 3 colon cancer. Working where I do we were very lucky to have such a quick diagnosis and great surgeons and oncologists jumping straight on board. He had a hemicolectomy last month and starts FOLFOX next week (for his birthday!)   But this is where it gets dark. I love him deeply. But I feel like I can't have my own feelings or problems because they are nothing compared to his. It's not his fault I feel this way, he doesn't say it do anything it's purely me. And then this festers inside of me until I explode and go crazy. Last night is an example of this. Sex and intimacy is a huge part of our relationship, we are only 35. I am going in for a minor girly procedure tomorrow so won't be able to have sex for a few weeks. By this time he will have started chemo, and then comes the protection not to mention loss of libido and tiredness etc... so o got angry when he's fallen asleep the last few nights. I tried explaining that I just wanted to feel WANTED one last time before this all started. I exploded. I'll use the excuse of 4 kids, a full time job, financial stress, trying to keep the house work semi up to date... but in reality I know I am just being g a spoilt cow. I stead of trying to understand what I was saying he got upset about the upcoming chemo. Because it's all happened so fast he hasn't really processed it. So I had to shut my feelings and emotions off to console him the rest of the night until he fell asleep. Which of course I should and is fine. I totally get it. I just laid there after he went to sleep and felt angry yet guilty that my feelings had been swept under the carpet.    I can't talk to anyone about it. I feel like I still want some recognition about my feelings or my issues (like my op tomorrow, which is only small but I'm nervous about) and then I feel like a horrible person  because of course it shouldn't be about me! But I guess I'm kind of craving attention? Which then makes me resentful and then guilty...I love him dearly and I do everything I can for him not because I have to, but because I want to. I worry about our future because I know I'm acting like a self centered selfish person!  And chemo hasn't even started yet! I have tried talking to him, but when I try to say these feelings go out loud I am embarrassed because they are just wrong! I think I just had to vent, or to just  Hope that maybe there is someone else out there who is as selfish as I am? 😞 ... View more