Is this really happening? Yes it is. Ok then, I have cancer. It's a big one to process. In March I celebrated my 40th in style, loving life, enjoying my little family, being the best mum to my 2 little girls. In early April I started getting tummy aches everytime I ate, excruciating pains. Doc thought it might be a tummy bug so off for a breath test. Week later, test came back clear. Doc says might be gall stones, so off for an ultrasound. This is now 17 days in constant pain. The technician has a look around my tummy and confirms it's not gall stones but he says my liver doesn't look right and he sends me straight in for a ct scan then sends me straight to the gp. They found the tumor in the colon and the aggressive spread right through the liver (no good liver left for a resection). This was the pain I'd been experiencing, it was my liver! A later PET scan showed the small spread to the abdomen, lungs, right hip bone and left collar bone. How was all this brewing and I had no idea??? Argh! When I got the news, it was like a punch in the guts coz there was no way I saw that coming. I immediately thought about my kids. I can't let them grow up without a mum! The choice isn't mine in the end but I can do everything in my power to stay alive. The rest is up to God. I had a bit of a cry outside the clinic and my amazing husband (who was also in shock) hugged me tight and told me 'you can do this, you will beat this, you are not alone'. I count myself lucky to have lots of family support. It was so tough to tell my mum and dad and my sisters. I started chemo. Yesterday was my second session. 10 more to go! Now trying to transition our life over. Getting the kids to understand that mummy's going to be sick for a while and trying to manage their emotions. Our kids are 5 & 6 years old and it's a handful for my husband to manage everything that we used to share all while still working his full time job. He's had a few anxiety attacks with all the stress. I try to help wherever I can but I just don't have the energy most of the time. We found a lot of helpful resources for cancer parents with little kids. Mummy's wish (mummyswish.org.au) have been amazing. They've organised 6 free fortnightly house cleans! And they've teed up a nanny for us (not for free) but it's soooo needed. I try not to play the victim in my mind but I still get so upset that this is happening to me and my family. Anyway, gee that was a big vent! Thanks for listening. Even though I have a lot of family support, I still feel so alone in this so hoping to connect with the beautiful people in this community. ... View more