I am not a young carer but I did have to care for my Mum at a time when I was working full-time. Trying to keep calm when she snapped or had a go at me, added to the work as well. I continually had to tell myself that she isn't my normal Mum anymore and if she was herself, she wouldn't speak like this to me. Biting my lip just added to the emotional strain that no one knew I was carrying. Eventually I organized some relief help from a Health Care service. You must do this too...you must get regular time that is your's alone to have some time out or it will get you down. I knew my Mum wouldn't like 'a stranger' in her house but I had to put my need above her wants when it got to a time of overstrain on me physically and emotionally. Find a health care service or contact Silver Chain for home help. You will have to pay an hourly or daily fee but if you are getting Carers Benefit from Centrelink that should help and maybe go 50/50 with Mum's pension income so that the full cost is not all on you. Organize every second weekend off or housework help or whatever you want that will give you some relief. To work full-time and be a carer is too much for one person to handle 24/7 and you need to have a life too, particularly at such a young age. You are not being selfish at all. It is normal to want some time for yourself to enjoy what your friends are enjoying. Mum may get anxious and feel insecure about you being away from her but she will adjust, don't allow yourself to be swayed by feelings of guilt and stand firm in your decision. You are not being heartless. Please do this for yourself or you do run the risk of becoming resentful and bitter. My thoughts go to you for your loving care.
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Grieving for someone you loved so much is very painful and not something that will pass in the short future. Let your tears flow freely as each drop is releasing a little more of that pain and one little move toward healing your heart and the traumatic time you have been through. You were a very devoted and good wife in his time of need. My father's brother did not visit or contact his brother or my mother at all even though he knew his older brother way dying, but attended the funeral. Quite often people do not want to concede that a loved one is going to die, they push it out of their mind because to face it personally means they will get in contact with their feelings, which they want to avoid happening. If they visit the person suffering, they don't know what to say or talk about with them so the easisest thing is to stay away. In saying that, no doubt you would have been grateful for any help you could get from his family to have a break from 24/7 care. They will feel guilt now but it is not up to you relieve them of their guilt, it is their guilt and not yours and they have to seek their own solace in their own way. You need rest time now to go through the stages of your own grief. It will take a while but the tears will ease, acceptance will begin to occur subtly in your mind and in time, you will smile when you think of him and the best moments and touching times you had with your man. It won't hurt so much to think of him as the months move onward. He passed over with love around him from you and no one can give better than that. I send you empathy and love to help heal your heart at this time.
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I strongly agree with Linzi and Nina6. Definitely go home and seek work around where she lives to be nearer to her. You will live with remorse and guilt if you don't spend time with her during this fearful time for her, no matter how strong she makes you believe she is able to cope. She is being Mum and looking after you by saying this, but she facing a scary situation and now it is time for you to look after Mum, she does need you regardless of what she tells you.
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.