Hi Soonerick, I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. I've heard of many people dealing with cancer and I've done virtually nothing. Possibly visited one or two friends and taken flowers. I think I did then what most people do and that is to take a giant step away. It's too hard to deal with an I don't know what to say or do. Their emotions are too overwhelming. I promise I will do better in the future. I really don't think you understand until you are personally diagnosed and the enormity of that diagnosis hits you. I have a story for you. When my eldest daughter was 16 a young friend of hers at her part time job was killed in a car accident. My daughter was terribly distressed and it was a very sad time. We felt her movng away from us quite suddenly in the weeks following this death. When we talked to her, she said that she didn't ever want to be hurt like that again so was protecting herself by not loving anyone else. Luckily, we were able to discuss this and make her realise loving people is part of life. Yes, it will hurt if you lose them but it will hurt much more to feel as if you wasted the time you had by not loving them. My family is very close and I have 4 adult children, their partners and grandchildren. I feel them all stepping back a little. I know they are worried and concerned but also, they don't want to overwhelm me with their emotions. They have their father and partners to help them deal with this. Most people don't know what to say about your diagnosis, your fears, anxiety and stress. The future or your pain. They cannot take it away from you. They probably feel as helpless as you do. Another story - Days are long after diagnosis. One night my husband was finally home. Within 15 minutes he needed to go out to get a juicer from our son. Couldn't talk him out of it, no, he had to go. I called my youngest daughter who then called my husband. When my husband came back, I tearily told him he made me feel as if he didn't want to spend time with me. My husband explained. It was the one thing I could do for you. He needed action. He needed to do something that would help me. I explained I didn't have any fruit to juice at that particular moment - he said that didn't matter. You see? Sometimes we just misinterpret each other. Sometimes too we push people away. No, we're up for a visit. We've got nothing much to say on the phone. Life is pretty dull around treatment. Sometimes people think you want to be by yourself. They don't want to intrude on you. I hope you can talk some of these issues out with your family and talk to them about your concerns. We all carry or express our emotions differently. Wish you every success for the future and that you will feel the love and care of your family all around you.
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.