I have told my son I regret having the open operation for prostate cancer. I should never have had the operation. I should have just accepted my fate and lived with it. He is arguing with me saying I am wrong, and you are alive and you still have your grandsons, me and my wife. I have told him the quality of my life now is not as good as it was before the operation.
He argues I should have had the operation back in 2012 like the doctors told you, and to suck it up and hang in there. I say the doctors and my son and others who I have talked to are wrong in my case. It was not for me.
When I wear the incontinence pants I am most uncomfortable. They seem to squeeze urine out uncontrolablly. I am better off not wearing them. Everything has shrunk since taking the solidex (a female hormone) and is even further after the operation and is compress in the incontinence pants. Anyhow, I am not comfortable and I am not happy.
Australia day I told my son I did not like sharing him or his family with anyone. A dark demon I seem to be living with since the operation. I told my son he is quoting from Google knowledge and books and is not a qualified or experienced doctor on this subject. My son seems to think I would have died yesterday had I not had the operation. He has not spoken to me yet since Australia Day.
I think I have upset him somehow. Don't know and that is upsetting me even more than I am now. My son is everything to me in the world. The last thing I want to do is upset him but he gets so positive and aggressive with his Google knowledge he is adimate he is correct. My argueing does not help the situation. Particularly when we have both had a few beers.
I go into hospital this thursday to have my bowell concer stoma bag reversed. Hopefully my mental state will get back to normal after that and things will be all good with my son again. I do not have anyone else. I am divorced 2003 and 99 percent of my friends are now dead.
At 67 I'm happy to live with whatever years I have ahead of me. I am not afraid of death. I live for today. It is not who I was. It is not what I have done. It is what I can do now and what I can to tomorrow It is who I am now.
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