It is a very difficult time for you both. I think it is not unusual to one day want to just die and get it over with and another you feel there might still be hope and you won't have to go just yet. He may need to talk these things out with you. It's his way of working thru it as best he can. He wants to know you are going to do fine when he is no longer there also. When my Dad was dying I told him I had been told my my siblings that he just wanted it to be over. I also told him that I'm not there to try and change his mind. I just wanted him to know that I love him and I know he is tired of all the poking and prodding he's getting from the medical field. I could see his shoulders relax some and we both knew that we had to accept facts. He told me his meds tasted like shit, he had lost his site so I whipped up some jello and put his meds into it and handed him the glass. He drank it and said that was better. Even the little things you do or say will make him feel supported and loved. If it is more than you can handle to take care of him get the help you need whether it is hospice or other family or a nursing home. It's important to be able to spend time with him with you not feeling totally overwhelmed. My Mom now has colon cancer and it has moved to her liver. She is still up and moving but it's taking it's toll on her. I expect it to get much worse before it ends. I wish you comfort in whatever you choose to do for your Dad. No one should judge you, it is your dicision as to what exactly you are capable of in terms of taking care of him. It may mean that you are just there for him each day and someone else tends to his physical/medical needs. I wish you well. This is not easy watching them decline. Take care of you too.
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.