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Trysta64
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since August 2019
August 2019
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Re: Why do I feel selfish guilty and alone...My hu...

by in Coping with a loved one's cancer
August 2019
August 2019
Thank you for your reply...yes I understand the emotions and feelings are normal given the circumstances just doesn't help them tho lol but yes reading other posts have provided comfort in knowing I'm not alone.    As to the isolating me it's a tricky one hey...in public he will discuss the cancer with anyone and everyone even shop assistants are being told his story so he is happy to let me hear it all over and over...and he is always discussing it at home...so he isn't shielding me from it...it's just in public it's all nice nice positive language being used...like I've got this I'm going to beat it etc but at home in anger I get I wish I'd died (which he did in ICU at Clayton due to internal bleeding but they brought him back) or he will tell me it isn't worth living and he isn't going to do chemo etc but we walk out the door and it's all smiles and fist pumps...yes no doubt it's the male thing not showing his true emotions in public...but damn he is beating me emotionally at home and when we are out I'm down and quiet so people mistake that for what it's not about...it's confusing as I'm the same way home or in public whereas he has 2 very different personalities  at the moment...arghhhhhh this cancer sucks hey!!!    I know it's a day by day emotion by emotion but just sometimes I feel so alone....   But thank you x ... View more

Why do I feel selfish guilty and alone...My husban...

by in Coping with a loved one's cancer
August 2019
August 2019
Hi I'm new today and have come across your community! Reading some of the posts I can I'm not alone with some of the things I've been experiencing as my husband's begins his battle with Breast Cancer.  We have been married for 8 months (2nd marriages for both of us) and I am surprised by my feelings in supporting my husband. I feel guilty I feel alone I feel selfish angry and sad... I'm frustrated because I'm usually the one to fix things and I can't... I  feel guilt because he has Breast cancer and I feel it should of been me...We both went through biopsies at the same time  I understand the mood swings the anger etc and I  always try not let it effect me personally as I know it's the cancer...but I'm also confused by some of the stuff going on.... I feel alone and isolated by him...he constantly receives messages of support but he never shares them with me or mentions anything and if I ask "I'm checking up on him" yes I totally understand he has cancer not me but he goes on about we are a team and we will beat this together but yet he isolates me...he even got upset when my Mum gave me flowers after he had a 2 week hospital stay...he tells this is he fight his battle and nothing to do with me...but yet publically tells people we are a team and he can't do it without me... I do totally understand what he is going through and the many emotions he goes through all day every day...but I'm confused and emotionally exhausted by this isolation. We will be in Drs appts and before we are finished he tells me to post the Drs finding etc to Facebook...I haven't even processed the info...it feels like it's more important for everyone to know than what we are going through...I feel like I'm letting him down by not being to understand this isolation I find it confusing...privately I'm the fall guy but publicly I'm a hero? I feel selfish because a lot of the time I'm standing here saying what about me...I feel guilty because I know it's not about me but surely I do matter my feelings matter? Lol just writing the last sentence makes me feel like a shit! But what do I do?   It's the hardest thing watching the love of your life go through this cancer and I'm letting him down and I'm lost as to how to help him without losing me .... ... View more
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