Hi JR, My heart goes out to you as I read your current experience as it is almost exactly what I'm going through right now too - right down to the detail of your hubby preferring to spend his good days on hobbies in the backyard by himself, rather than spend any time with you. I too can relate to what you wrote about how you would like to spend the last days of my life, spending beautiful quality time with those you love, and I too grieve that this seems not to be what my husband is choosing. I echo what some of the others have suggested re. self care. It really helps to have good psychologist and a few trusted, patient friends who can validate what you're feeling: that it is extremely painful and not the way you'd prefer things to be playing out. I still struggle with feelings of sadness and grief (and yes - guilt, when I feel angry at my husband's coldness), thinking that my marriage seems to be crumbling apart before I actually lose my husband to cancer. But having a good counsellor and a few close friends who hear and affirm me has been very very helpful. (My counsellor has recommended other strategies for coping too; she doesn't just listen and say "Oh, that sounds so hard.") Thank you, JR, for your courage in sharing your current struggle; reading it helped me a lot, discovering that I am not alone in my experience or feelings. In fact I just signed up to this community too, so that I could respond to your post! I truly hope that you are able to find ways to self-care and be affirmed, not only as a carer but as a person. It's a difficult road, but not one that you need to walk alone.
... View more
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.