My fiance was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in October last year and things moved really quickly. Without discussing it with me first our house was packed up and moved in with his parents. When I got upset he told me didn't realise he didnt discuss it with me but if I chose to leave now I would be leaving him and it would be over. I stayed in the house and have been very unhappy since but was promised his parents would be taking a lot of the burden from me. Treatment started and what was going to be a shared arrangement has quickly turned into me doing 95% of his care arrangements. I take him to chemo, manage his medications, monitor his temps and manage his mental health. Even the things he is capable of doing, he puts pressure on me to do. His parents dont seem to believe mental health is a real set of conditions and on the first day of moving in I was told I won't fit in if I get upset. Every time I talk about my feelings his dad calls me precious. They also keep telling their son all the bad stories they know of people dying from cancer. I have continued working and I work with traumatised people everyday and I feel like i come home and am expected to managed other peoples trauma at home then the parents tell these stories and I spend the rest of the night talking to my partner and encouraging him to be positive. When I have asked for alone time I am pressured not to go and get texts from my partner the whole time asking when I will be back. The parents have a neighbour whose partner recently left him while he has a medical condition and now they make jokes all the time by calling me her name and saying I'm going to leave. Ive been pretty vocal that I'm not coping and no one listens to me, there is only concern shown for my partner. 2 days ago we got into an argument about me not coping and all I wanted was to be told I matter and my wellbeing is equally important and I was told by his entire family that he is the priority and I just need to deal with it. I ended up having a huge panic attack and suicidal where i ended up being placed under an EEA. My partner and his mother have begun to realise my situation I'm in but even after sharing my point of view his siblings, father and grandmother have put a lot of blame on me. I stay in hope that things will improve and we can get back to our own house but I'm so unhappy and in so much pain now I dont know how to cope.
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.