Hi Lyons,   yes it’s true. Any cancer can affect anybody and in any way. I am very sorry your uncle has had this diagnosis. Let’s just hope he can fight the good fight & get on top of it. And soon.   You are a very good niece to care & worry about your uncle so much. You have taken time to seek information from this site, which proves you care. The very least we can do, as a community, is offer you & your uncle our support.   Take care of your uncle, and take care of yourself.   Lindsay ... View more

Sorry Craig, I meant Tippets comment ... View more

Hi Tassie, Nothing much to add to Craig’s comment.   What is important to say, you said yourself. It’s neither the health workers, or your families fault, you have cancer. I would be happy to get their support. Have a read of some of the guys out there who are scared and are all alone. cheers mate, I wish you all the best ... View more

That’s great Patches. Please do that. I’m happy for your positive 1st contact. I hope you get the same ongoing support. cheers Lindsay ... View more

I’m so sorry to read that your support network is so small, Patches.  Your doing it tough, and I have nothing meaningful to say except, I’m thinking about you & the hell this insidious disease is putting you through.    Have the medical staff suggested a grief counsellor? I know your in Victoria, but here in NSW, there are free, trained counsellors attached to the hospitals. The majors anyway.   I know it’s Labour Day Monday there, but I think you should make some enquires on Tuesday.. You & your husband sound like you're in a dire situation. You in particular need to get help.  Having lived through this myself, I can’t stress enough, how important it is to get yourself sorted mentally & physically. I tried to be stoic and do it alone, the result was a big “F”. No matter how good you think your coping mechanisms are, you are ill prepared. Seeking trained help, is not being weak, it’s actually being strong. Admitting you need help is the beginning. It’s great you can empty your head here, Doing that creates a space for more thinking, planning & grieving. It is a very good thing to do, the only problem is, there isn’t any spontaneous interaction.   One on one with a professional and getting feedback can only be a good thing. Those experts know of groups, individuals and professionals who can offer support and guidance.   I hope your husband can get some immediate help, especially with pain relief. He sounds like he’s in a bad way and I feel for him. Being angry from time to time is an emotion which gets a reaction. From his viewpoint , I guess any reaction is better than nothing.  I’m sorry I can’t offer more, I’m just not qualified Patches. I hope someone better qualified & a little smarter than me can give you something  better.   Once again, we think about you & your husband & wish you all the best.   lindsay     ... View more

The thing is Mitsy, your sister has had this terrible disease for 3 years now. She has had a chance to get into a routine. Obviously the routine is variable, depending on tests & treatment.  I have no idea how her relationship is with her husband, good, great or better, I hope.At the end of the day, he is with her a lot of the time. He is probably in as much of a rut, routine as  she is. That’s where you fit in. Her husband knows most everything about her & her cancer. You on the other hand know SO much more. You have lived in her life, in it’s entirety. You know when she is looking for sympathy, looking to get that extra pat on the back, from mum & dad, as kids. Everything, nothing can escape you.  she is using your unbreakable ties to get to a happier place, like when you were kids. That’s good, that’s what brothers & sisters do, but you need to let her know, there are limitations. Your there, you help, and your a great sister,but, it cannot take over your life.   without sounding horrible, your sister has the cancer and your not meant to suffer it by proxy, with her. A sibling is a support, not a crutch. Love her, but don’t die from the stress in helping her.   Thats my thought. I really wish you and your sister all the best.   Lindsay ... View more

Hi Misty, I agree with Budgie entirely. Assuming you do make contact with your estranged, abusive family member. The meeting goes pear shaped and you are left regretting the whole thing, how is that experience going to leave you feeling toward your sister. No, best just to say, straight out to your sister, your there to help but can’t go down that path. It’s best for both of you. Good luck ... View more

Hi Patches, Im so sorry you are facing these strange and unusual situations alone. I had a few days in hospital myself. I got home yesterday afternoon. Believe me, if the specialists thought they could send your husband home, they would. Hospitals are a dangerous place  to be, and should avoided if possible, given the Coronavirus. The clinicians wouldn’t jeopardise your health, as a visitor, if there were other options. Abdominal drainage isn’t as traumatic as it sounds. I had to have it last year. It doesn’t hurt, and the relief is remarkable. I had 6 litres drained and believe it or not, my headaches disappeared. No idea about the connection, but they did. Most likely removing the anxiety. I just hope there can be a positive impact on your man. When my wife passed away in 2016, she had had enough. Third time of relapse, she wasn’t mentally up to another fight. She refused intervention and died in my arms calmly and with no pain. We were together and the hospital staff were wonderful at managing her pain. I was with Maria the final 3 weeks of her life. The staff made me feel welcome & I think they understood our situation very well. I think what ever you and your husband decide, the treating staff will do everything they can to make you both comfortable. Everything will be right on the day, as “they”say. The next phase of this whole horrible situation, is you. Where to afterward? You need support. You need to unload all of those things you’ve experienced during this period. A family member, who you can talk to. Who understands? Possibly not. A close friend, who can be there when they are needed. Woman are better at making those type of friendships, then men. Still, sometimes it just isn’t appropriate. Someone who is completely separated from your ordeal. Fresh eyes, non judgemental a good listening post. After all, you just need to unload, not necessarily get advice. These councillors are around. They can be found at the hospital, where you have been visiting for a long time. They are involved in church groups ( if your that way inclined), your GP can refer you to someone. Finding a group of people, through Cancer Support websites, seems to be a great start. People who are empathetic and understanding, who won’t judge. These groups are mostly in the city, but are available in country areas too. I hope you and your husband get through the next stage well. I hope whatever you both decide is healing for you. After all, you’ve been through the stages you have no control over. Being in the drivers seat now , gives you the power. I hope you get some extra help to keep you mentally strong.  I hope getting your thoughts, and  concerns down on these screens lighten the load a little. This is just a small start, for you, to pick up the pieces, when they’re required. Best of Luck....we’re here. Lindsay         ... View more

Yes I agree, soul destroying. I feel cold all of the time. Yesterday was 27*C here, I was wearing a jumper. The only thing I can suggest is to stay wrapped up and try to have positive thoughts. We are all here for you and we feel your pain. Let’s all just stay strong  ... View more

Hi Cappsy, If your asking , is the speed of progression, from blood tests to CT and then colonoscopy and endoscopy, unusually fast, well the short answer is, NO, it happened to me even faster. I nursed my wife for a long time with cancer. Unfortunately she died in May 2016. In November 2016, six months later, I went to my GP for what everyone was telling me was depression. That was on the Wednesday morning, he sent me for blood tests that afternoon & on Friday I was seeing an Oncologists Registrar at RNS hospital. That was in the morning, in the afternoon I was admitted with probable pNETs. And was having a stent inserted into my bile duct between the pancreas & liver. All of that happened in a period of 3 day.   this is all on the background of being a daily runner (15-18km / day) I worked and looked after 20 odd contractors, and had time to take care of my wife’s need.  If that is what you’re getting at? I just think our specialist cancer clinicians are way on top of their field.  I’ve been on the cancer round about, with my wife & now myself for over 10 years. I reel at the efficiency of all the associated departments, working hand in glove, to ensure smooth outcomes for patients.   I really hope the results from your tests and procedures are favourable, that all is clear & you can go home and not feel the need to see us here again. If, for whatever reason you don’t get the news we all hope for, you know where we are.  Take care, best wishes and keep health Lindsay.     ... View more