Oh Terri!😢 I relate to SO much of what you've shared here. Thank you for being so candid. I somewhat understand how narrow that tissue would be without dilators. We had to spend two weeks in Sydney in May moving my mum into full-time care & I stupidly forgot to take my dilator pack. So after only just two weeks without them, 5 months post treatment, I had to restart the process down a size & it was VERY slow going. I can only begin to imagine what the last 23 or so years has been for you in this regard. It's SO, SO beautiful you & your husband have worked out a new level of intimacy instead of giving up all together. He sounds like a wonderful, compassionate support for you. Yes, smoothies are my new afternoon tea! My colorectal surgeon explained that I'm someone who needs pith so my smoothie is orange & pineapple with a little mango & blueberries just for flavour, then a hint of vanilla yoghurt to polish it off. After the chemoradio I can no longer tolerate it for breakfast (instead I have one Weetbix with some Psyllium Husk - which is my new best friend - & homemade granola). So far it's working brilliantly. I just wish I'd known all this 30years ago! I had absolutely no idea my normal was not how it had to be. For the last 25 odd years my GP's have asked how my bowels have been, & I'd always answered 'normal' because they were MY normal. I now wish they would've rephrased that question to be "EXPLAIN your bowels for me"! Anyway, I'm extremely thankful to have that all sorted now. My radiotherapy treatment has brought on menopause. Initially I had occasional hot flushes throughout each day & night, but they seem to have petered off a little which is great. Those shingles sound like a real bugger. What a shame it had such a drastic effect on your already damaged nerves... the absolute last thing you needed. I'm a singer too Terri!!! The year you had your treatment my hubby (guitarist) & I were getting ready to attend Los Angeles Music Academy! I never did anything grand really - not that I really wanted to anyway - but what I did, I enjoyed. Your home sounds stunning, & a beautifully serene place to carry out your existence. We actually spend most of our year housesitting (not so much since COVID hit), but otherwise are based at the beach on the NSW north coast. It's been a beautiful, peaceful part of the world to be recovering so I am also extremely thankful & can relate a little to tranquility of your lake setting too. We are both blessed to experience such peace. Thanks so much for your prayers Terri, & ditto for you both too. Much love to you, and thanks so much. Big hugs back! Heids xo
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