July 2020
5 Kudos
2020 A gnarly slippery crag of a mountain. First, the spot on lip gets larger. Then, the land we have bought we cannot build on until certain impossible criteria are met. The abyss we need to cross Widens. Covid 19 hits. My work is cut short. No work. No income. Howling winds and the slippery Rock face. That deep dark abyss below. We re living in a tent! Waiting to build a home. The Frosts set in. Minus 5. My chest starts an infection. That howling cold mountain! The spot on lip turns into a lump in the space of a few months. The ropes are fraying. We need to cross the abyss. We need to get to that dry sheltered sunny north facing side of the abyss. I call dermatologist for tele appointment. He says "are you sleeping rough?" "I'll cut it all off and you won't be able to eat burgers just soup" "I can wack it out in 40.mins" The route across the abyss is not the right one. I decline and request rather to see a surgeon. I wait a month for surgery. In one month it almost doubles in size. Surgeon is Wonderful and performs a careful wedge excision under local anaesthesia. I am not scared. We have luckily found a safe route across. We stay in an Airbnb for a week to recover. It is warm and dry. The young down to earth lady is kind. A dry ledge on the rock face. A moment of safety. We secure the rope across to the other side. The results are squamous cell carcinoma and I will have a pet scan to see if it has spread. The rope is now taut. We need to find somewhere to live closer to "home". An older stranger offers us a room for a few weeks at reduced rent. A warm dry room. Welcoming warmth like the idea of a Yurt with the wood burner and smiling kind people huddled round. We ve found a warm sheltered dip to bivouac in on the mountain face protected from the sleet. While we wait for Clement conditions to cross. I tell her that I have had a surgery. But then she gets me on my own. She has a mischievous glint in her eye. Her lips turn upwards in a smile or is it a sneer? She says:"god works in wonderful ways, the girl with cancer dies" My bivouac slips. I am suddenly lurched halfway into the abyss. I can see the valley far below. A dark v with a glinting black river Snaking through it. She gets me alone again. "you have had a good life" to which I reply "yes and I am fifty, I have a good life ahead of me" she replies " no you have had a good life". The Rope is fraying again. We need to act fast before we fall. Time to find somewhere else to stay! As it is still too cold to go back to the tent. Am feeling a bit Ill and weak. I need somewhere warm and dry. Without unpleasant words. My husband is working during the day. I avoid the stranger while i look for Somewhere to live. Don't go looking for sympathy I remind myself! I could run up the hill a month ago. After three weeks of sedentary recuperation i walk 50 metres and feel exhausted. I will get fit just need to get more food in me. Liquid food is all I can eat. I have secured my bivouac. My sister is thousands of miles away and I have no other direct relatives. I don't want to bother my sister with my problems. I email her to say hi. She emails back, she is warm dry happy well, with husband and chldren. Her life is busy, happy upbeat. I don't mention my worries to her. My husband is busy with work. I am alone lookingdown into the abyss. Keep the mind focused on the task. Look for somewhere to live. Keep still in that bivouac on That mountain face until conditions improve. Keep watching for the right moment to cross. I hear the haunted cry of the wedge tail eagle as it plummets down to snatch a potaroo off a mound of earth on thatrock face. The potaroo wriggles, the eagle loses its grip as the prey falls into the void Nature surrounds.me. On mount difficulty!
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July 2020
2 Kudos
I have had a big squamous cell carcinoma removed by wedge excision surgery. I have to have a PET scan. Does anyone know how long you stay in the tube? I get claustrophobia! More scared of this than I was of the surgery! Also, how effective are chemotherapy and radiotherapy in curing cancer? I have only seen people have it in terminal cancer capacity where it slightly prolonged life but took away all quality of life and so due to this I am a bit reluctant to have it as a treatment if it is recommended.
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July 2020
1 Kudo
So good to hear that you are getting hair growth back, I really hope that you are feeling happier and that your hair grows back beautifully. I have also found that not washing my hair too often helps the natural oils to condition the hair and scalp better than frequently washing and conditioning. It takes about a few weeks of doing this to attain shiny silky locks and a healthier scalp. Initially it feels a bit grotty but the end result is worth it.
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July 2020
Can eat soft foods. Dissolvable stitches have dissolved. Still some difficulties talking smiling laughing but told skin will stretch. Scan in a few weeks to see if scc has spread.
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June 2020
Surgery was quick and painless. Recovery not too slow with focus on liquified raw foods. Follow up tests.
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June 2020
Thinking that something will go away and waiting for it to go away is a huge risk. Seek diagnosis asap.
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