Dear Mrsvicki it is overwhelming and exhausting and sometimes by just saying so helps. My USB and was given antidepressants and that really helped him, he was also given Valium for nights when panic attacks began to occur but he hasn’t taken that as yet. I had a good conversation with palliative care nurses on the phone and that helped me. My heart goes out to you. My husband has moments when he is like the old guy I knew and is in control, but then in the next minute I am in charge of everything, this is tricky but understanding his need to still be the ‘man of the house’ and then watching him have no control is hard. Sending you much support and warmth.
... View more
Hi There Mrsvicki, I hope to help you by sharing what I do to try to care for my husband as well as I can, however it is so damn hard, you are right about that. My husband was diagnosed 2 years ago, but was given terminal diagnosis in January. The only way I could initially cope was to manage all the concrete things I could, I contacted a financial planner, got insurance sorted, redid our wills, got quotes for funeral, established a record of all details about our home such as how to operate the pool filter, all the things my husband did. That helped me cope, getting everything in order so I would not have those worries when he required all of my attention and care. This sounds cold I know but it was practical. We have 3 teenagers to care for too so I felt being organised was important. After a time I fell in a heap and realised I had to take some care of myself so I went to a counsellor and tried to follow the advice I was given to get a massage or a haircut every now and again, this is important and really works. Caring for someone you love is bloody hard, but like the air stewardess’ tell us when they give the safety talk on the plane, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before you try to help anyone else. The changes in our relationship, for me have been difficult. I ring the cancer council help line often and chat and this helps. Overall I educate myself as much as I can about each stage of his cancer and the impact on him and possible impact on the family. Also we have had a counsellor come to the house and talk to us about dying. Speaking these words and sharing our fears was helpful and in a way have us some peace. I am not sure where you are but I approached the Karuna organisation in Brisbane and am so glad I did. The support has been phenomenal. I was very worried about my husbands mental health and spoke to his palliative care tea, a bout this and they gave him medication to assist him. You can have appointments by yourself with your doctor, and discuss your concerns. Take care. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you. I’m sorry my post sound clinical and cold I’m only sharing what works for me. All the best.
... View more
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.