I can understand your feelings. There's always questions of how or why for which there never seems to be an answer. And it's understandable to not want others to know about. However, it's good to have someone you feel comfortable with to talk about it. Someone supportive with whom you can share your feeling, or fears even. It all takes time but sometimes time seems to be the enemy. Try to maintain your activity as much as possible, your medical team can give you advice on this. But also keep your mind active and occupied as much as possible, it's important to your mental health. The name I use is a contraction of the old saying "Mens sana in corpore sano" - Sound mind, sound in body. My "sound in body" has gone a bit wonky, but I'm making every effort to keep the "sound mind" part. Wishing you the best. Take care.
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