About willow

willow

Hi Jules2 I too am having problems with the site -when I am on one page it tells me who is online and then when I change to another page it will say completely different people are now on line and not the first ones mentioned. I have noticed the blogs seem to change sometimes too and the forum listings. I don't think things are updating properly - I can't seem to be able to follow the flow. It all seems a bit messed up at the moment?? It also shows I'm logged in then tells me I am not logged in. Willow

willow

Hi Robert You are important - what you are going through is your own special journey. Your fears, concerns, stresses and anxieties are real and everyone here is and will be there for you. Please keep blogging - I read about your struggles over the years and mine don't seem nearly as bad. You are a very strong person. Take care and good luck this week with the doctors visits. Willow

willow

Hi Jill Nice to hear I was able to make a difference. I too have trouble sleeping. I actually dread going to bed at night cause I know I will wake up only a short time later and go on to have a really restless night. I have yet to find a solution to this problem so don't really have any good advice. I keep a book beside my bed for the really bad nights and have lately started listening to radio talkback. I was hoping that would bore me to sleep and it actually worked a couple of times :>) It does sound like a good idea for you to get some 'me time'. Pamper yourself a bit ....my daughter took me recently to get a manicure and has promised me a pedicure soon as well. It felt good and I have vowed to do it more often. Take care, Willow. xo

willow

Hi Just a quick question? Is anyone having any problems with the site recently? When I log on it says in the right hand corner that I am logged on but when I move from maybe the home page to the blog page it then shows that I am not logged on and I can no longer access the site properly? Can't really explain what I mean. I have also noticed that I sometimes log on and things are not as they were before.....no I am not 'crazy' - I am just having a problem explaining what I mean. Anyway ....maybe it is my son's computer? Or maybe I am a bit nuts......:>) Hope you all have a nice weekend. I'm in Melbourne and it is going to be a hot one. Kind regards, Willow xo

willow

Hi I am no longer squeezing into high heels either - I seek out the flat ones but still want them to look pretty. My body ached and hurt so much during treatment that heels were the furthest thing from my mind - then I broke my toe which is still 'not quite right' and then i hurt my back when treatment finished. So it's bye bye heels and hello to flat sensible shoes probably forever. I do agree it is really a small price to pay. I have more important things to worry about these days. And I have found too that the flat shoes are generally much less expensive than the heels. All the best, Willow xo

willow

Hi Cats I am pleased to be able to tell you that I share your infatuation with cats. I have two lovely boys that I absolutely adore. They helped me through my treatment - they were always there and slept on my bed every night - still do. My little Ollie is dark grey and a very cuddly cat- part British Blue ......I can pick him up and throw him over my shoulder and he snuggles in and purrs madly. Harry is part Russian Blue, silver grey and a bit more aloof but he is a very needy cat because if left in a room alone he cries asking 'hey where is everyone....I'm all alone' My cats talk to me and I talk to them all the time....I have been told I am a little mad...:>) I can't imagine my life without them. What sort of cats do you have? Kind regards, Willow xo

willow

Hi everyone Thankyou again for your support. I have been getting headaches again for about a week and just felt physically and emotionally unable to return to work this week so went to my local Dr and got a medical certificate. At the moment I can't see myself going back to work ever again. I still don't feel able to make major decisions yet. Hopefully this will change with time. I'm sitting around doing nothing of value each day but stangely I am feeling a bit calmer and enjoying just resting and the feeling of no pressure to be anywhere at a given time or having to do anything unless I want to. I am trying to plan my days but fail to act on my plans when the new day dawns. I usually don't shower till after 12pm and just read and relax. People have said that I have had over 8 months doing nothing but this is not true....my body and mind spent that time fighting the chemo drugs, the affects of the radiation and the emotional side of my diagnosis. I was never comfortable, or well and never able to relax enough to enjoy reading, eating, sleeping, TV or any normal activity. It is just nice right now to be able to enjoy these things again at least some of the time. I told family after the Christmas celebrations that I needed to stop and just do nothing as I was feeling overwhelmed and very stressed about my obligations. And I am glad I have stuck to this and just had time in my house for myself. I am feeling that perhaps this is the way to go ......just do what I want and not commit to anything.....a bit isolating but perhaps for now this is just enough. Later I can think about maybe joining a support group or doing some voluntary work, restarting my gym membership and finishing setting up my new house. But being super lazy seems to be working for me right now. I think I have been just trying too hard to return to my old life. This is not necessarily what I should do. I should listen to my body and my mind and do what feels good 'for me'. Not listen to what others think I should be doing. Again, thank you to all of you for your support .....I have been trying to follow the blogs written recently but I have lent my computer to my daughter and am using my sons which is not very reliable - it keeps shutting down and the screen keeps going completely white. I tried to write a blog the other day and just as I was finishing it the computer screen went whacky......(it sort of starts rolling, hard to explain) so I lost all I had written. Hopefully I will get my computer back from my daughter this weekend so will be able to log back onto this site regularly again. Hope you are all feeling ok for now. Resting up with your cats, looking after the Shingles, coping with tests and vists to doctors and just life in general. My thoughts are always with you all ....and I love reading your replies to each others blogs.......it is all of you that give me the strength to keep going each day...... love Willow ....xo xo xo

willow

Hi Trinia I felt so strongly for you and your sadness when reading your blog. The others have given you good advice - it is so true that these feelings never go away - what you have been through is huge and it is ok for you to feel the way you do. But some days will get easier and I hope you can find some comfort in the knowledge that by contacting this site and sharing your deepest fears, feelings and worries you will always have friends here to listen, advise and support you without judgement. Take care of yourself and keep writing whenever you need to. Kind regards, Willow. xo

willow

Hi Linda Happy New Year to you and your family - I hope 2010 is a good year for you. Stay safe, well and positive. Kind regards, Willow

willow

Hi I know how you feel ......I unfortunately do feel jealous when looking at others going about their daily business and I think it too is unfair that this is happening to me ...but i also think that maybe they have problems and issues as well that they are dealing with and they are hiding their feelings. I agree we shouldn't have to deal with other people's crap and their unhelpful attitudes. Also your referring to being in a 'Time Warp' is often how I feel and I'm sure many others do to. I am feeling very lonely at times but am also distancing myself from others...I don't engage as readily in conversations and when my son invited my friend to dinner recently I actually felt angry with him as I didn't want to have to be entertaining - I just wanted to curl up on the couch alone. I have to make an effort to do just about anything social these days.......I can't advise you on how to feel differently but I can at least tell you that I have and do often feel the same way..... As people have said to me often since I was diagnosed.... 'Be Kind to Yourself' Best Wishes, Willow xo

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