Hi ladies It certainly does help knowing you are not the only one suffering. Sadly, in all too many cases, mental health is not treated hand in hand with the cancer. In my experience, it is barely even recognised. My husband has been under the care of a psychiatrist since 2014 - long before cancer. He has suffered from anxiety for years and now with cancer is also suffering from depression. While he was having his “end of life crisis” and having a relationship with the young Asian lady on line who he thought he was going to have a life with if he survives (which he’s not to) I got the responses from his psychiatrist “I don’t see a problem with him taking comfort in someone online” and “what would you have me do push him into a state of despair “. Meanwhile, he had run away from home no longer wanting to be a husband and father and literally one step away from homelessness but the health professionals basically turned a blind eye as long as he was turning up for his chemo. I felt I was going mad and banging my head against a brick wall. They all refused to speak with me even though I was still the one there by his side even when he was treating me worse than he’s treated ANYONE in his entire life. Now he is back home and living a purposeful and more honourable life, that angry monster is always just simmering under the surface. My husband was a successful businessman, fantastic athlete and all round great bloke. The change in him has been almost 180 and he’s turned into such a narcissist- it blows my mind. It’s almost as if they want to you detest them so much you won’t miss them as much once he’s gone. I just never though I’d see the day where this is the life we are living. Our beautiful little family has been destroyed by the wreckless and evil things he has done ... but hey we don’t have cancer so apparently we’ll just never understand. Please!! (Insert eye roll). I always though he would have handled his diagnosis in a brave and stoic way ... being strong for is and ensuring we would be ok once he left us. Instead once he leaves, it will be a chance for us to heal  thank you so much to all the ladies who have shared your stories .. good to know I’m not alone x ... View more

I’m so sorry to hear your story Susan but I can absolutely sympathise with you. My husband and I have been married for 27 years and sadly in June 2019 he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colorectal cancer. By December 2019 he was in the midst of an “end of life crisis”, decided he didn’t want to be a husband and father anymore (kids are now 21 & 22), got himself a young Asian online girlfriend and started living full time on our boat. He destroyed every aspect of our old life, abused me emotionally, verbally and financially and tried desperately to get his GF into this country (thank God for COVID). Every word of this story is in stark contrast to the devoted, honourable and loyal man I knew for the prior 25 years. And yet through all of this nightmare, I never gave up hope he would come back to us one day. That day arrived in February 2021 when he decided perhaps this new lifestyle was not conducive for someone with terminal cancer. He has returned living at home and is leading a more honest and purposeful life. Unfortunately the angry and abusive guy is always just simmering under the surface and I am the recipient of his anger and abuse. It’s difficult; it’s soul-destroying; it’s stressful; but he’s dying of cancer and my compassion and devotion is greater than his anger. Many say I’m staying with him - maybe I am. But there is also the financial ramifications of leaving him too ... I didn’t work for 30 years in partnership with him to loose half of it to his young Asian GF (who he promises he is no longer in contact with) To think the man I devoted my entire adult life to could treat me like this in his dying days is something I just find so difficult to reconcile. After reading posts in this group, it is not uncommon but my situation is extreme.  ... View more