Sorry for your loss. I felt your love for him while reading your post and I wish I can be affectionate to my brother too. But, its about time to accept that he is no longer with you and as a coping mechanism, try to give yourself time to grief. Its okay to get mad and its okay to cry. ... View more

Hi Nikki2, I am sorry for your loss, 30 years with your soul mate , your grief is still very raw and it will take some time for you to start healing and learning to live this life without your Husband. I believe that those who  pass are always with us in spirit.   You mentioned you had a 17yr old son, that you do not talk much? Is there something your husband enjoyed  doing that you and your son could participate in together? Maybe organise outings he would have loved, something that will help you both with your grief, to open up ,talk about your favourite memories of your Husband, his Father, the fun times. The hilarious moments you shared with him.  I hope your grief eases enough, just a little for you to start living life again.  The pain the both of you are in at the moment must be unbearable, please consider grief counciling, or read some books on dealing with grief? I have been reading Allison Dubois books. They have helped me with the loss of my Brother.  Take Care  Tam51 ... View more