Mum was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer in oct 2017. I can never forget the day because we found out on my dads bday. Just before mum was diagnosed though we hadn’t spoken for almost 2years because of her partner but when I found out she went into emergency I rushed to the hospital and put everything aside just to find out she had stage 3 ovarian cancer. Mum was the most beautiful and strong woman I have ever known and she fought cancer with everything she had! After chemo and surgery she beat it and in Feb 2018 we thought we were in the clear. Jan 2019 I was driving to work listening to ice cubes “It was a good day” and I got a call from mum who was going in for a check up, the cancer had come back. This time it was more aggressive! Mum wasn’t responding as well to treatments and even began having allergic reactions to them and on the 27/11/2019 mum passed. I was there when she passed and every day before she passed. I saw the horrible things cancer does and watched my mum fight and suffer and take her last breath. I am so angry at cancer and I just can’t get the images and smells out of my head. I hold so much guilt for the lost time mum and I had because of her stupid partner and for everything and anything I’ve ever done to make her upset or angry. I feel like these memories of me stressing her out as a teen just pop up and the amount of guilt and sadness I feel is crippling! If I hear an ambulance or hear that ice cube song I break down! Anything to do with someone’s mum, (even in movies), I break down. If I think of mum and look at my kids I break down. She fought to be here for my sons 1st bday and passed away 6days later and she never got the chance to meet my daughter, (she’s 5months old). I can’t even be happy for my dads bday anymore. I have had almost 2years of grieving and I feel like it’s getting worse and like it is never going to get better. Is this normal? Is anyone else feeling this way? Does it get better? I’m just really tired of all the pain and I just miss mum!
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.