Cancer has been in a part of my and my husband's world since 2009.  In 2012-13, I was in a clinical trial at the NIH in Bethesda, MD. for an early form of Myeloma.  Although I've been told this disease is never cured, I have had no sign of the disease since 2013.  I am monitored every 3 months through blood work and annual scans/bone marrow biopsy.  In 2018 my husband developed a high grade form of sarcoma.  He had extensive surgery of his lower leg at the Cleveland Clinic but 6 months later the cancer had spread to his lungs.  His cancer is unrelenting, and now is in the mediastinum, pancreas and chest wall.  He has fought and continues to fight hard, having had many radiation treatments, chemo, immunotherapy and is now on a medication called Votrient.  I stopped work this past May and retired.  I loved working but could see that I have limited time left with my husband.  During my treatment, I continued to work, flew to Bethesda weekly for 8 months and kept up the house.  During this time, my husband barely acknowledged my plight.  His response may have been my fault as I maintained that all was well. He never bothered to learn about my condition and actually told me he didn't know why I had to leave our rural area for treatment.  Conversely, when he was diagnosed, all my time and energy went in to finding him the best care and making sure he had the best chance of survival.  He has become quite ill now.  He coughs loudly, non-stop.  It wears him out and stresses me to no end to hear it, as I can't make it better.   (His doctor has tried everything.  He is scheduled for a thoracentesis to drain a pleural effusion next week).   I wrote all this to say... I am tired.  I am tired of cancer, mine and his.  I am a little angry that my whole life has been upended by his cancer, while my cancer didn't seem to matter to him.  I feel guilty for even having these thoughts.  Fear of Covid has significantly narrowed my social support.  He has always been somewhat of an introvert, I have always been his primary source of support.   Sorry so long...just looking to vent. ... View more