I can relate to how your feeling. I have been going through the same range of emotion since discovering that my partner has hodgkins 2 weeks ago. i have come to realise that feeling selfish is totally normal and although it is not us that is sick it still has a huge impact on us as well being that it is someone so close who is ill. ive now learnt not to try and hide these feeling and that talking to someone about every single little feeling really does help and that no matter what the feeling whether it be feeling helpless, angry or even positive is just a range of normal emotions and with time things should get easier for both you us and our partners.
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