Honestly, today was terrifying. Not that we haven't been through other days that were just the same.

 

Today I though I lost any hope when he fainted and was unconscious for more than 4 hours..Now watching him with that oxygen mask over his face is just ripping my soul apart. I know there are a lot of people in my shoes and I am sorry for that from the bottom of my heart. I have never been one to tell people my personal struggles, I have friends still that don't know the whole story because I don't like people's "poor you" looks. I don't want anybody looking or thinking differently about him just because he is battling this monster.

 

To be completely honest, I didn't think I would post anything on this platform, but seeing that one comment on the last post, a single one, gave me a little more strenght to carry on.

 

For anybody that suffers from this, or suffers along your loved ones, just know that I am here with my heart for all of you. I think that you should always have hope, no matter how hard it may seem. And I know you probably heard this a million times, I know that at some point it got frustrating hearing this because it seems like it's not enough and it seems like people don't really understand what you're going through and so they have nothing else to say..Oh, and worst of all, you have no one to blame. Wouldn't it be easier if you could blame someone? Anyone. Just channel all that frustration and anger you have on someone. But don't lose hope. It's the only way we can truly help. 

 

I lost my train of thought writing this..maybe because it's been about 40 something hours since I last slept, but I hope that this helps someone reading it as much as it helps me writing it. 

4 Comments
Contributor

Hello again,

Im so sorry to hear what has happened.

My news is not so good either.

About two weeks ago I started having bad pressure headaches, bad dizziness, bad nausea and tiredness. We put it down to just finishing chemo but when it kept on getting worse they put me in for an emergency MRI Tuesday just gone.

The MRI came back showing a tumour on the right side of my temporal lobe( first two in the parietal lobe). The good news is it’s operable and I go into hospital on the 21st of Feb and surgery the next morning.

Now that it has come back my neurosurgeon thinks I will start getting more but I will keep fighting it as long as I can.

When I read your words so much is how I think as well eg. the no one to blame and never lose hope. Please try and get some sleep as you will need it.

Colin

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Frequent Visitor

Hi Colin, 

 

I am so sorry to hear your news and I wish you well on your surgery and a fast recovery. I want to also thank you for your support and I hope you know that I fully support you through journey too. I know that in moments like this words are kind of useless because you can't describe what you feel or think or want to say, but I sincerely hope that you'll get better and I trust that everything will be alright. I send all my best wishes to you and your family.

 

Maria

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Contributor

Thank you Maria for your wishes,

Im glad that I have been able to help you and if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask. I will still post stuff and check if you put anything up when I am in hospital. If I don’t I think I will go crazy in there with all the neuro tests they do on me and the lying around I expect to be in for 1-2 weeks depending on any complications. On my first removal I ended up with a DVT( blood clot) which kept me in for an extra week.

I will be tackling this one again full on just like the others. Besides the headaches and the vertigo feeling I’m in good spirits.

I also fainted and can’t remember it and hit my head on a cement floor. This was after my first removal and radiotherapy had finished. I had a CT scan done, it showed a lot of swelling around where the tumour had been resected. A week later I saw my General Physician she took one look at me and said I wasn’t right and booked me into hospital the next day. I had a MRI done and it showed there was a tumour there and the CT scan didn’t show it up because of the amount of swelling I had.

Dont just rely on a CT scan as an MRI shows up more.

My thoughts are also with you and your family.

Colin

 

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Frequent Visitor

I really admire your determination and from what I've spoken with doctors or different people interested in this subject, the morale and the psyche are the most important thing in situations like this. So after seeing a glimpse of your attitute towards all this, I am sure everything will be just fine. I'll also be here to keep you a little bit of company when you need it. Wish you all the best!

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