Hi,    So as an update of what's been happening for the past two weeks, my boyfriend was scheduled to have his tumor removed on the 20th. I was supposed to stay with him until the 15th (this was before we knew then the surgery was going to take place) but stayed with him until the 19th because I had to come back to take my exams. Of course I felt horrible having to leave him, but after a lot of convincing by my parents, his and him personally, I dragged myself back home and took my exams. I was on the phone with him non-stop, his surgery got pushed back until the afternoon that day, and after the surgery I was supposed to get an update about the situation from his parents. I must tell you, the last days were horrible. I couldn't get in touch with anybody, his phone was turned off and basically all I could do was wait, pray and hope he got out in one piece and that the surgery was successful. I couldn't even sleep or eat and I was crying around the clock, worried sick and angry at myself..hell, I hated myself because I let them convince me to leave when I knew I should have been there.    For the first time, though, I let someone talk to me about my worries and I told them everything I had in my soul and I am forever grateful that she listened to me. She stopped me every time I would even begin to think something bad happened and pulled me through these 5 days almost where I felt like I was going crazy.    But there is light at the end of the tunnel. As of a few hours ago, my boyfriend woke up, he had his parents call me immediately and the surgery was successful. So he is ok. He is getting better. And I don't even know who to thank, I truly am so grateful to whoever in this Universe gave him a second chance.  If you're reading this, please take my word for it..NEVER ever lose hope. Never try and bottle up all that you're feeling, ask for help, if you feel like you can't find the strenght to take care of your mental well being, talk to somebody. But most importantly, just know that there are miracles that can happen even in the darkest of times.    I am overwhelmed by emotions, I wish this feeling on everybody that suffers from the same monster or stands by their loved ones and helps them through this. You are stronger than you see yourself to be and I appreciate you, you are my examples in life, you deserve all the happiness in the world and I am here for you.    I will continue to write blogs here and continue to read other people's stories. You are inspiring, I truly respect and deeply appreciate everyone here. For me, you represent strenght, hope and light.  ... View more

Honestly, today was terrifying. Not that we haven't been through other days that were just the same.   Today I though I lost any hope when he fainted and was unconscious for more than 4 hours..Now watching him with that oxygen mask over his face is just ripping my soul apart. I know there are a lot of people in my shoes and I am sorry for that from the bottom of my heart. I have never been one to tell people my personal struggles, I have friends still that don't know the whole story because I don't like people's "poor you" looks. I don't want anybody looking or thinking differently about him just because he is battling this monster.   To be completely honest, I didn't think I would post anything on this platform, but seeing that one comment on the last post, a single one, gave me a little more strenght to carry on.   For anybody that suffers from this, or suffers along your loved ones, just know that I am here with my heart for all of you. I think that you should always have hope, no matter how hard it may seem. And I know you probably heard this a million times, I know that at some point it got frustrating hearing this because it seems like it's not enough and it seems like people don't really understand what you're going through and so they have nothing else to say..Oh, and worst of all, you have no one to blame. Wouldn't it be easier if you could blame someone? Anyone. Just channel all that frustration and anger you have on someone. But don't lose hope. It's the only way we can truly help.    I lost my train of thought writing this..maybe because it's been about 40 something hours since I last slept, but I hope that this helps someone reading it as much as it helps me writing it.  ... View more

Hello to everybody that reads my story. Or beter said, our story.   My boyfriend has been diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer about a month or two after we started dating. Many people in my life said I am crazy and that I'm too young to get on board into such an emotionally consuming journey to recovery. I was 20 and he was 23 at the time.   I got into fights with everyone that dared tell me I should give up on him. I couldn't, we were in love.   He left immediately to have surgery, but I couldn'g go with him. I stayed nights and days not eating because of being so depressed, not sleeping, but no matter when we would call or text, being it 2 pm or 4 am, I was there, with a smile on my face trying to make him laugh a little, trying to encourage him even though I felt so empty inside. When he got out of the first surgery, they could only remove about 70% of the tumor; he was put in an induced coma for the next 4 days. When he woke up, he was devastated that they didn't remove it all.   He went into chemo, 2 months. I stayed put, I tried everything I could to make him feel better. He would be so depressed...so tired, that often he would just push me away. I fought for him and eventually we would be back together. After 2 months of chemo, he had an MRI that showed his tumor actually increased. The nightmare wasn't over. He went back to surgery, other sleepless nights and worries and crying uncontrollably.   After he woke up, he couldn't feel his legs. That was a major risk in the surgery. We were again, devastated. I tried to comfort him as much as I could, but frankly, I just didn't find the right words. I regret everyday not knowing what to say. He once told me that I can't understand what he is going through so I shouldn't even try and he is right, but it still hurt and I started to blame myself for not being "there" enough, not being "loving" enough, not being "understanding" enough. After convincing him that even if he couldn't walk, talk, anything, I would be there by his side, he went into surgery again and he was able, after months of physiotherapy to walk again.   Almost a year passed, his chemo was over, the MRI showed that he was in remission. Everything was back on track, with all the regims, the programs, the activities, the check-ups. But they were back on track. So almost a year later, he cancer came back. He was in surgery in no time..but this time is was more apparent the "he either leaves surgey or dies on the table" factor. I went into depression again. He got out of surgery, they removed the tumor, he then went to chemo for preventive reasons.   And long story put short, a year later now, my world and his crumbled apart once again. As I am writing this he is again in surgery, the second one in a period of about 1 month. And I am lost.. I feel horrible for even writing this because I know that I am not the one that suffers the most. And he is the most important person right now. But I am lost.   I just can't stop crying at night, putting on a brave face in the morning, trying to hold it all together..And I don't regret doing it, I never have. And I don't want to stop. I am just tired. I don't want people to praise me, I don't want anything like that.   I just needed a place where I could share a fragment of my story. ... View more