Mum is holding her own most of the time right now, apart from an occasional bout with nasty nausea/vomiting. Its lovely to see her very chirpy since her decision not to have any further chemo and recent visits from far flung children and grandchildren have been highlights. Its been good to get some extra help set up with the nurse coming once a week to visit and homehelp there to shower her and do some housework 3X a week. I am so thankful for these support networks available to us. They have certainly taken a lot of pressure off me for now and I've been able to get the car serviced, a hair appointment etc. I'm even keeping up with notes for school, mufti days and such!
But all the time I feel like this cannot last. I am on edge waiting for the next downturn. Expecting to arrive and see her suddenly much more jaundiced, or not eating again, or a new flare up of pain. I know I shouldn't borrow trouble and I want to just enjoy this lull while it lasts but I cannot escape the knowledge that harder days are coming and waiting for that quickly drains the joy out of now. Everything is bittersweet, precious time together always tinted by the knowledge that it is limited. I think its both a blessing and a curse, this journey towards goodbye.
