My MIL, who has terminal cancer, is deteriorating rapidly and no longer able to live alone. So there is a lot of talk in the family about what the next step is. Mum always said she wanted to stay at home as long as possible then go into the Palliative Care wing of the local hospital when she was near the end. Now that we are at that point Mum is very reluctant to go into the hospital and coming here to live with us is being talked about as an option. We are happy to have her here but I really wonder about how do-able this actually is. I have two kids, aged 6 and 8, who are active and busy with the usual mess, morning rush to school, piano lessons, play dates etc. We live in a little old house with a tiny bathroom and narrow hallway and we need to get a hospital bed with an air mattress in here. Plus move one child out of his bedroom and in with the other. Mum is being transferred off oral medications tomorrow and having a syringe driver with 24 hours morphine instead. She is still able to toilet herself but is very unsteady on her feet due to massive fluid retention in her legs and abdomen. She is very vacant and restless atm. I just don't know if its an option logistically or if I can provide the sort of care Mum really needs. I don't know how the kids will cope with constantly seeing their beloved Grandma like this and not having any "down time" or normal sort of space in their life where they can escape from it all. I am feeling scared of taking on this responsibility (all the rest of the family live interstate) and I worry that if she moves here next week Mum will die here and that's not what she wants, or me to be honest. If anyone has thoughts from their own experience to share with us it would be very helpful as we deal with these difficult decisions. ... View more

I can hardly believe its been 8 months since I last wrote a post. All that time Mum has been slowly but surely going downhill. Eating less, sleeping more but still being herself and interested in all her usual things. Even a few weeks ago, after a painful and challenging ultrasound her response was "Right lets get to a coffee shop pronto." I haven't sat with her in a coffee shop since and I think that was the last time. The changes have been more and more rapid since then. The ascites has worsened and her legs are swollen with retained fluid. On Friday I noticed she is looking jaundiced but most significantly she has stopped responding normally, sleeps most of the day and has lost interest in almost everything. Today she couldn't remember what day it was or a conversation I had with her yesterday. The Palliative Care team have been gently suggesting she needs to go into hospital, as that is her end-of-life plan but she isn't taking the hint. Other siblings in QLD want her to move to our house which we are happy for but I wonder if she has already passed the point where that is practical. I am so concerned about her as she lives alone. I don't think she realises how sick she is now. I wonder if we are closer to the end than any of us realise. And I am torn between the care my kids (aged 6 and 😎 need and what Mum needs. I know there isn't an easy answer. This is hard and you can't change that. But I am wondering if others who have walked this road or are on it now can offer any thoughts/perspective? ... View more

I can't believe I haven't posted here since August last year. No news was good news! I am thankful that Mum's weight loss slowed down and she has enjoyed celebrating both my kids birthdays in the latter half of last year, my husband's birthday, just before a quiet Christmas and then her own birthday in January. She was even well enough to go and see Les Mis with my hubby (her son) So much to be thankful for. But the cancer has kept spreading and is into her lungs too now. In January Mum struggled with breathlessness, February brought increasing and severe exhaustion. Then, towards the end of the month, Mum began to have increasing difficulties swallowing....after me chasing the Palliative Care team about this they came to see her yesterday and for the first time in this journey they have given us a timeframe.:-( They say if things continue this way she has only weeks to months left. They are getting rid of any unneccesary meds, changing her to liquid morphine for breakthrough pain and coming to see her twice a week now. What they said only confirmed what I was already thinking but it doesn't make it any easier to hear. Mum wants to go quietly without any interference other than keeping her comfortable, and we agree and support her choice in this. She is calm and full of faith in our Lord Jesus. But it feels strange that after 13 months of this we are now nearing the end. We have reached a point where some plans do have to be made since Mum lives alone 15 mins from us (I suspect better to do this now than further down the track when there will be even less room in our heads) I want to slow down the clock but that cannot be done. ... View more

Since my last blog in June my mother-in-law has been doing so well, she's really defying all expectations. She is bright and chirpy, her hair is even growing back in. She's abandoned some of her mobility aids and having less outside help at home. BUT, and its a big one, the weight keeps falling off her. At her visit with her GP today she had lost 5kg in 3 weeks and at least 10kg in the 2 months before that. She's eating well, though very small servings since the tumours in her liver are squashing her stomach space somewhat. She is starting to look very gaunt, and struggle with cold and shivering episodes. And I have to wonder how much longer can this go on. She's under 60kg now. What happens when she drops down to 45kg or even 40kg? We see her Palliative Care doc next week which I hope will be helpful and I can ask about this then. But its preying on my mind ever since this morning's appointment. So I'm venting a bit and wondering if others out there have had similar experiences. At one level I don't know if I want to hear about them but at another level I know I need to. ... View more