November 2013
Hi Chris - it is so kind of you to ask how things are. My lovely MIL passed away peacefully in the early hours of Wednesday morning after 4 days in the Palliative Care unit of our local hospital. She had family with her 24/7 for the whole of the last week. Although I was not able to be there at the very moment she went (at home with sleeping children) I'd had time to hold her hand and say thank you for all she blessed me with in her life and goodbye. Her funeral and Thanksgiving Service will be held on Monday. Thanks so much for you reply to my original post, which was very helpful at a particularly difficult time for us and your ongoing interest. You've set me a great example of using this hard time well for the benefit of others and I will continue to keep an eye on these blogs. Best Wishes to you and yours, from Karen
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November 2013
I can hardly believe its been 8 months since I last wrote a post. All that time Mum has been slowly but surely going downhill. Eating less, sleeping more but still being herself and interested in all her usual things. Even a few weeks ago, after a painful and challenging ultrasound her response was "Right lets get to a coffee shop pronto." I haven't sat with her in a coffee shop since and I think that was the last time.
The changes have been more and more rapid since then. The ascites has worsened and her legs are swollen with retained fluid. On Friday I noticed she is looking jaundiced but most significantly she has stopped responding normally, sleeps most of the day and has lost interest in almost everything. Today she couldn't remember what day it was or a conversation I had with her yesterday.
The Palliative Care team have been gently suggesting she needs to go into hospital, as that is her end-of-life plan but she isn't taking the hint. Other siblings in QLD want her to move to our house which we are happy for but I wonder if she has already passed the point where that is practical. I am so concerned about her as she lives alone. I don't think she realises how sick she is now. I wonder if we are closer to the end than any of us realise. And I am torn between the care my kids (aged 6 and 😎 need and what Mum needs.
I know there isn't an easy answer. This is hard and you can't change that. But I am wondering if others who have walked this road or are on it now can offer any thoughts/perspective?
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March 2013
Thanks BJS - your encouragement is a blessing to me. Planning to spend as much time together as possible.
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August 2012
Thank you for sharing with me purpleangels. It does help just to hear from someone else going through the same sort of thing. I will try and get her to have more sustagen. I actually read your post about what had been happening with your hubby in the hospital earlier today. My heart goes out to you as you deal with all this with your children to care for too. My kids are similar ages to yours but of course its their grandma who is sick not their dad. Hope tomorrow is better than today. Thinking of you, from KazPlus2
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June 2012
Mum is holding her own most of the time right now, apart from an occasional bout with nasty nausea/vomiting. Its lovely to see her very chirpy since her decision not to have any further chemo and recent visits from far flung children and grandchildren have been highlights. Its been good to get some extra help set up with the nurse coming once a week to visit and homehelp there to shower her and do some housework 3X a week. I am so thankful for these support networks available to us. They have certainly taken a lot of pressure off me for now and I've been able to get the car serviced, a hair appointment etc. I'm even keeping up with notes for school, mufti days and such!
But all the time I feel like this cannot last. I am on edge waiting for the next downturn. Expecting to arrive and see her suddenly much more jaundiced, or not eating again, or a new flare up of pain. I know I shouldn't borrow trouble and I want to just enjoy this lull while it lasts but I cannot escape the knowledge that harder days are coming and waiting for that quickly drains the joy out of now. Everything is bittersweet, precious time together always tinted by the knowledge that it is limited. I think its both a blessing and a curse, this journey towards goodbye.
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May 2012
Memories are the real treasures in life. They are priceless, and where would we be without them.
Sometimes we race through life not spending enough time to look around and enjoy the simple things that it has to offer.Its good to stop and smell the roses
We think we and our loved ones will go on forever, then we get a reality check and our values change significantly. Build up a good stock of memories, its better than money in the bank.
wombat4
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May 2012
I was sorry to read what happened to you mother- in -law. Even if the roof job was done properly it shouldn't have cost more than a few thousand dollars. Did the police achieve anything in this case?
It must have been very upsetting for her,your wife and you,and at such a difficult time.
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May 2012
Thanks PA - I so deeply appreciate the comments from people on this site who know what we are facing and have been able to encourage me. Sometimes its so good just to know you are not alone in this.
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May 2012
Hi,
I too was glad to find this place. If people from your church are willing to help in any way, just let them. Our church have also said the same thing and a number of people have visited to see what I needed. So far, just their company has been a blessing. Through prayer I am able to deal with the good days and the not so good days. As someone else said, the hospital should be able to give you information on services that could benefit you and your mother in law. If possible don't let the rest of the family stick you with all of the work. It is too much for one person with their own immediate family to look after. I also know that is easier said than done. If you wear out you wont be any good to anyone, so if needed, put your foot down.
Take Care and God bless
Elayne
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May 2012
I am new to this sort of thing (forums, blogs etc) but feeling like I need it. My mother-in-law, who I love dearly, has metastic breast cancer in her liver. I think she is really very ill atm but I can't seem to get any straight information from medical people so I thought I'd put my questions "out there" in cyberspace. Can't hurt!
Mum was diagnosed in Feb/March and started on Femara as she didn't want any chemo after previous experiences and surgery was not an option due to the number of tumours present. In late April she had a very sudden turn for the worse with increased pain, jaundice, fluid retention etc. Her oncologist recommended "gentle" chemo to make her "feel better". Well she had one dose only then developed neutropenia, a severely ulcerated mouth, then cellulitis in both legs, then a blood clot in one leg. She is currently in hospital treating the last two conditions and has understandably decided that she will not be having any more chemo.
Mum lives alone about 15 mins from us and is not coping very well to be honest. She is often very confused. I am not sure if its the pain killers or the disease progressing or just not being able to eat last week when her mouth was so bad. She didn't even realise anything was wrong with her legs the day she was admitted to hospital - a friend dropped in and alerted us.
I don't know what to expect in terms of how things will now go and I need to plan how we will care for her (I also have two kids, aged 4 and 6) I have no idea how long she is likely to have left. We have an appointment with the Palliative Care team on Tuesday so I hope that will help.
My husband and I want to care for her and keep her home as long as possible which is her wish. We are blessed with a wonderful support network through our church - but I really need to know what to expect.
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