Five years ago my husband of 30 years passed away from pancreatic cancer. I have three children, at the time my eldest was at university and my youngest was just 14 years old. My husband was never diagnosed with cancer until after his death. We managed to cope through the two years he was ill and have managed to cope in the following five years since his death. I now find that my new partner, who had been a friend since before I was married, now has pancreatic cancer. How can I cope with this all over again!!! What have I done to deserve this? I felt that my new partner and I were 'meant to be' together and now this! I hope to find some strength with talking to others.
13 Comments
Contributor
Hi Janine, Welcome to the site! I don't know if I have any words of comfort for u at this time. What an unfair card u have been dealt....life can be so harsh. I see how much a diagnosis of cancer places stress and pressure on loved ones especially the carers. I often watch my fiance as he takes care of me and the burden my cancer places in him. All I can say my thoughts are with you at this very horrible time and I pray ur New partner has good treatment options ahead for their cancer treatment. Good luck :) Rubes
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Hi Rubes Thank-you for your thoughts. I have never done anything like this before. Last time I was going through this I really wanted to talk to someone but didn't know how to go about it. It is very early days yet and we are not sure what lays ahead, although suspect the prognosis is not good. My partner has a very positive attitude, wanting to enjoy what time we have left. Thanks again for your kind words, and I wish you and your partner all the best. Janine
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Hey Janine, Life truly isnt fair sometimes. And the title of your blog is very true... Carers really do need to talk! I have found this website to be one of the most helpful tools while caring for my dad. Sometimes the people around you just have no idea what your going through and it can be really hard and frustrating for the carer. I hope for the best possible news for you both! Manda.
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Frequent Contributor
Hi Janine, Sorry to hear this. Being a carer once is bad enough, I can't imagine doing it all over again. Feel free to let it out here whatever you feel. I do it as a way to get things out of my system. Take care.
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Super Contributor
Hi Janine, My first response to reading your post was unprintable! What a terrible situation! Know that you can come here for love, support, shoulders to cry on and ears to listen. Much love to you, Emily
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Contributor
Hi Janine You are walking a very hard path in life, and I do feel for you. But I also thought, who better for your partner to be with than someone who had what it took to cope with what life threw at her the first time and I'm sure came through with strength and courage. You are blessed to have found love again, and I pray you have many wonderful years together despite this oh-so-difficult situation. Stay positive, as your partner is, and enjoy every moment together. Good blessings and warm hugs of strength and comfort, Pamela 🙂
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Super Contributor
I feel for you .It isn't fair . I think there is more support out there, and of course here, than there was 5 years ago. All the best and hoping things work out better than you fear .
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Contributor
Hi Silly, Did I tell you about a book called after cancer a guide to your new life. There aren't many around to purchase also U might be lucky to purchase one Glenys 0
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There is nothing that you have done to deserve this. My mother had pancreatic cancer and survived, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you start a new but familiar journey. How strong you are! You humble me.
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Contributor
Hi Janine, I agree with what is said here (on this part of the site) for you as both of you need each other as both of you don't deserve this at all. Both of you are walking a hard life so you need all of us on this site. support each other as best you can as my prayers are with you. I can't imagine going through it the second time. I would like to sympathise with you all. I would feel selfish if I let you know what I had to go through as it's on the site. Keep looking up and keep positive with it. Your friend Glenys. xx
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I appreciate...so much...all the support I have received from people I don't even know. The diagnosis is definitely inoperable pancreatic cancer and chemo starts tomorrow. I'm quite scared as a carer about what lay ahead. I have been told what to expect but am fearful of the days when my partner is toxic. I would like to hear of other peoples experiences.
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Super Contributor
Hi Janine, I just wanted to wish you luck and give you a hug for your time ahead. My experiences have been very different from yours, so I won't share them here, except to say that I would have loved to know about this website while my husband was having chemo! Please keep checking in here and let us all know how you're going- we're all cheering for you. love Emily
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Thanks Emily...appreciate your words of support. We are into the first round of chemo. Thankfully at the moment he is not too sick, just very tired. However he is starting to look ill. I have experienced cancer previously with my first partner...so I know that look. Before this happened we planned on getting married, today I bought him a ring! We both now wear rings where we would have worn our wedding rings, had we married. I try not to think too far ahead because its just too hard! I don't know what to say here. I just need to let out my thoughts to others with similar experiences.
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