Dreaming about worry

[Allicat]

A couple of weeks ago I dreamed that I was watching next year's AFL Grand Final and it was looking like Hawthorn was going to lose. I was thinking 'this can't be happening again, not again' and I felt so dreadfully unable to cope with it. This dream has remained clear in my mind since although I normally quickly forget dreams. I didn't realise at first but then when I thought about it I saw that it was a very obvious translation of worry about my annual check-up. I was not conscious of being worried but underneath I clearly was. I had the check-up and it was all fine apart from having put on some weight which is a whole other bucket load of both practical and emotional issues. I hope by writing my dream down I can stop remembering it. I don't want to talk to people about it as they think I am past having cancer issues and I don't want them to know how much it still effects me.

[harker]

That's a really perceptive interpretation of your dream. Well done for writing it down, too. It will be interesting to see if you have the same dream again. I've had a dream about missing a plane four times! And I had written it down the first three times. H

[SILLY]

It takes a while to get over having cancer . We sometimes see the fact that we are not over it as a weakness or that others will . Apart from that others don't really want to hear that we aren't over it fully .Of course some of us know that it will or may return . Whilst there is the need for check ups it's difficult to get away from the cancer . I don't think we should be expected to forget it at this stage . If others think we're over it we are doing a reasonable job of coping ,I reckon.

[glenys48woods]

Dear Alicat, Good day I am back to chat to you as this is a good heading to put here. We haven't chatted for a while yet here I am. Then I miss our chats too. Did you receive the latest pink Breacon book in the mail recently as the front page is interesting. Have you seen it and read it? How do we find our inner strength as it points out how hard it is. This has got my attention. Have you got some answers and how do you cope? Glenys xx

[Allicat]

Hi Glenys, it has been a while since we chatted. Hope things are ok with you. I do have the latest copy of the Beacon. It is good how it says that not everyone comes out of cancer having learnt wonderful lessons about how life is a gift and everything is super fabulous. It is usually full of inspiring stories that just make me feel cranky. It is good that people liked a story last time that was about how difficult it is. I don't know how people find their inner strength. I think it's just that when you're forced into a hard situation you do what you have do. If you have worries that are unhelpful you just have to try to let go of them. Easier said than done - I am a great worrier myself. But sometimes the worries are so big and crushing that there just isn't room for them in your head any more and you have to push them out. There's no use thinking that things could have been better if I hadn't had cancer. Because if we're talking about "if" then that opens up so many possibilities that it's no use considering them. Things could have been a lot worse cancer-wise. And even "if" I hadn't had cancer then other things could have wrong - they could have been better but they could have been worse. I missed quite a few days of work due to cancer - for all we know if I had gone to work on one of those days I might have been in a terrible accident. I don't meant that it's good that I had cancer because it's not, just that it's what happened and so I have to accept it. It's unfair that I got cancer and it's unfair that you got cancer. But life is unfair and that's just that. This is how I cope. Also, I have a sweet little cat who helps me just by sitting with me.