Dying Dad - How long?

[daddysgirl]

My Dad is in the final stages of melanoma cancer. It's aweful. I am upset about so many things. There is no information or support about anything! Since he lives in the country there are no hospices. Im sick of driving 2 hours to see him every couple of days and then drive home again. (selfish I know - but im totally exhausted) I hate that he is unhappy. He can barely speak anymore and went into hospital two weeks ago ready to die. Things have only gotten worse since then. The doctors keep giving us different life expectancys..... He stopped eating partially months ago and for the last 3 weeks will only eat a mouthful of food at best. Doctors said on March 26 he had only 2-3 weeks left. Then on 18th April again less than two weeks left. Then on 19th April 4-6 weeks (different doctor). I hate being so far away from my family. ALL I do at the moment is work, sleep or drive to the country where he is. My family get to do their daily business and visit when its convenient. Its so much harder for me. People think I shouldnt want him to die - but its not him anymore!!! He lies in bed sleeping and can get the energy to whispher a couple of words at best. It's aweful. He always said before he was sick - he didn't want to be lying in a bed incapasitated. But he is .... and there's nothing we can do. He asked me on Monday if I knew what the sparkly thing is? I have no idea and just wish I could tell him to make him happy.

[Jules2]

Hi Daddysgirl I am so sorry to read of your father's diagnosis. It is terribly difficult for the family and in a practical sense it can be a nightmare. Unfortunately, doctors do not have a magic wand or esp and cannot give exact dates etc... and it is my understanding they are loathe to try and be too exact in case they get it wrong. You could just tell your father that the sparkly thing is "make up something - maybe a sparkling star?" You being with your father will be making a difference to him, although you will feel quite helpless - it is making a difference. hugss Julie

[The_Rowan]

Hi Daddysgirl, Unfortunately, the doctors have no idea how long your father may have left in this world, but please, make the most of whatever time you have available to spend time with him....you will be grateful that you did. I lost my mother to breast cancer in 1985. We had been told by the doctors that she had at least six months left....we lost her two weeks later. Mum too lost her appetite, and towards the end survived on a diet of raspberry lollies and Sustagen. They were all she could stomach. There were so many things that we would have liked to have done for and said to Mum before she died but we didn't get he time. Please don't miss any opportunity you have with your father to share your special memories and feelings with him before he goes. Keep strong. The Rowan.

[ashes]

Dear Daddys Girl I feel your pain and your stress. You are put into this horrible position through no fault of your own. My only advice to you is to keep doing what you are doing. It will be over soon enough and you wont have to then deal with the guilt of not being there for him at the end. Your future peace of mind really depends on it. And if you think that you are being selfish for thinking and doing what is best for you as well,remember that this is normal. Your dad knows you are there so it makes him happy too. Even he he can't show it. I am in your dad's position and the last thing I want is to cause more stress to my family and make it any harder for them than it is. BUT... deep down I am grateful that they are there with me at the end. They will get over the lack of sleep and being exhausted from running around etc. They wont easily get over the guilt from not being there in my time of need. I hope this helps you. Ash xo

[daddysgirl]

Thanks for the comments. I wish each of you all the best. Xo